RoryLocks and the Three North Eastern Homes: Too Cold (Part 1)

RoryLocks and the three North Eastern Homes

There once was a little boy that flew to Massachussetts to visit his Grandpop-o and Halmoni.

When he entered the house via Daddy's arms, he found that he was very very coldishy.  

The old house was drafty and cool so he sat next the fireplace with care.  

Almost at soon as he was settled into Grandpop-o's loving arms a loud rip made the fireplace flare!

Throughout the house a smell  arose like stewed mushroom puree 

The nostrils of those around flared like the experiments of Madame Curie.

Grandpop-o hacked and gacked and tossed the baby towards his mother.  

  "Ain't nobody got time for that!" Grandpop-o said and fled the room like Danny Glover.

Daddy didn't know what to do except change the little monster hound.

 Mass was not like Wisconsin where cheese permeated the air and kept you naturally bound.

It was so much fun seeing Grandpop-o and Halmoni again!  Rory could hardly stand it.  He laughed and giggled and was spoiled rotton by all of the attention he recieved from both of them.

  "Horse bite!" Grandpop-o yells pretending to sting Rory with his finger.

  Rory burst into a laugh.

  "Horse bite!" Grandpop-o yells again!  "Horsebite!  Horsebite!  Horsebite!"

  "What are you doing dad?" Kim asks.

 "Look how much he's laughing!  He's not being grumpy right now."

  "He is not a grumpy baby!!!!" Kim screams, "He's just expressive.  I know you like to show that picture of his grumpy face to everyone but he's not like that all the time.  He just uses his eyebrows to talk."

"I don't think he actually talks yet," I say.

  "You know what I'm talking about!!!" Kim roars. "My baby is not grumpy!  Okay?"

 "HORSE BITE!" Grandpop-o shouts.

Rory laughs.

 "Are you listening to me Pop?" Kim asks exasperated.

"You not talking in his good ear," Halmoni says with a smile.

The good times continued when the two baby cousins got to meet.  There was nothing cuter than Rory and Kaeden!  

"Yes, he's got acid reflux," Uncle Michael was saying.  

"He just throws up all the time," Aunt Claudia explains, "So we always keep his bib on him.  You just never know when he's going to projectile puke anywhere."

"I can attest to that," Aunt Jackie says, "One time I was holding him up and making faces at him and he puked right in my mouth.  It was the most disgusting thing that ever happened to me."  

Rory and Kaeden make faces at each other and grab onto each others' hands.  

"How cute," Kim says.

Rory reaches out and touches Kaeden's bib with a sweet gentle tap and then proceeds to completely snatch it right off his neck.

"Well, I guess Rory doesn't think he needs that anymore," I say.

Kaeden smiles and then pukes.

Christmas presents were quite a drama for some redheaded people, and I'm not talking about Rory.

"Just pull the wrapping paper!" Kim says.

"Ah cha coo la mon a koo!" Rory babbles some unknown language that he's starting to use at random moments.  

He grabs the shiny red paper and pulls it just close enough to shove it in his mouth.

"GOOD BOY!" I shout, while everyone else tries to get the wrapping paper out of his mouth.  

Kaeden is sleeping through the first part of it.  I'm sure in some way he's enjoying it through osmosis.

"Here you go!" Halmoni says, shoveling another 15 presents in front of Rory.  I look at the packages ranging in size from small to giant.  

 "Holy Smo..." I begin.

"POP!  How are we going to be able to take these all back home with us?  I have to fly back on a plane, remember?"

 "Well, we wanted to get the boys the same things."

  "Yes, but how am I going to take all this with me?"

 Grandpop-o shrugs, "That's not my problem."

"Gee thanks!" Kim says slapping him on the leg.

We still aren't sure how we're going to get those gifts back home with us, but I'm sure someway somehow we will figure it all out.  Maybe.   

After many days in the house way too cold, Rorylocks cooed , "It's time to go!"

"Oh wait!   Don't leave! " With pain, shouted Grandpop-o.

"We must, it's too cold!" Mommy said wearing ten sweaters packed tight.

"But I found out the problem, I forgot to light the pilot light!"


(I wish that it wasn't true but yes, on the last day there Grandpop-o really did figure out he forgot to light the pilot.)

Comic by Bitstrips

Landing in New Hamster!!!!

Our flight to New Hampshire didn't arouse too many hiccups, although it's apparently Rory's newest thing to take a big smelly crap the very moment we find our seats on the plane.  (because he did this last time we were on a plane as well.)  He just starts grunting away and laughing like the last time.   And yes, Kim's balance apparently makes it impossible for her to change the baby in the little bathroom, so I was rewarded with the gift once again.

After landing and driving to Kim's brother and sister in law's house we were able to have a small get-together with some of Kim's siblings, especially Aunt Linny-Doo, (I'm supposed to call her that I guess.) who has never met Rory yet.

  As we walk up the steps, Uncle Jimmy grabs Rory's carrier from my hand and shouts, "He's all we want to see!" and shoves Kim into the snow bank.  I can see in Kim's eyes that she instantly regrets ever saying that anyone was more annoying than her brother the last time we were all together.  Aunt Kendra pulls Kim out of the snow and brushes her off and starts handing out celebrity tours of their new home and mugs of hot apple cider.  Meanwhile, Kim's mother, Grammy D is tapdancing in all her glory that she has Rory back again.

After the tour the relatives all sit down on the floor and watch and wait for Rory to start rolling all over the place.  He toys with them at first and then finally gives in and rolls to his hearts content.  They clap and cheer and smile with victory in their eyes.  How could anyone be any prouder? 




 "Wahoo!"
  I'm jolted awake by a sudden shout of joy coming from Grammy D and unattach my face from the ultra soft pillow on the couch.  I smile as if I know why people are shouting.
"I just can't believe this day finally is here.  I never believed my kids would get married and have a baby.  I am just so happy!"
"Really mom?" Kim says with disdain.  "Just be happy and keep your teasing monologues to yourself."

"Oh darling, you know what I meant!" Grammy D says.
"Yeah, I'm just going to put this out there, I have an urge to kick Rory!"  Uncle Jimmy says.
What?!?!" Kendra asks almost falling over from shock!"
"He's dressed like a ball."
"Oh Jimmy!" everyone says together like a cheesy sitcom.





The stress of Friday slowly fell off of us as we enjoyed time with family but the months and months lack of sleep we were suffering still lingered. 

We met up with Grandpop-o and Haimoni later on and will be staying with them in Massachusetts for the next few days.  We are excited to see what new adventures Rory will experience in Mass.

Friday: Just Stick a Freaking Fork in me Already!

 

  Friday Morning:

   My Wife:  "We're going to be late for school.  We need to run to Wal-mart!  We have to plan for our Christmas parties.  We have to get some food.  I'm hungry!  Why are you just standing there with a coughing baby?  Does it sound bad?  Who are you?  What have you done with Bella?  Oh, we have to take her to the kennel!  Can you do that?  Can you make a bottle?  Can you clean the floors?  Wait!  We don't have time to clean!  Let's go!  Come on!  Can you take the garbage out while you are holding the baby?  I don't know how!  I love you!  Where is our gift card for Anna?  Did you pay the bills?  Wait you don't need to do that now!  There's no time?  Did you change the diaper bin?  Did you make the bed? 

My Wife from One Year Ago:  "Hi baby.  Everything is set to go.  Can I massage your back?"


Friday Afternoon: 

My Wife:  Miss Anna called and said that Rory's cough is worse!  Oh no!!  I hate this!  What are we going to do!  Can you take him to the doctor!  One of us has too! One of us has to leave our kids even though it's our Christmas party and they need to take Rory!  I would do it but I don't have any days left since I already used over half of yours for maternity leave!  So... do you want me to go???? or.....
or......  or......  or......  oh you will go?  Thank you!  Thank you so much!!!

My Wife from One Year Ago:  What a glorious day this is!  I can't wait to go on our Christmas Cruise.  Maybe we can find someone to massage your feet.


Friday Night:

My Wife:  Oh you are back from the doctor!  How is Rory doing?  Is he fine?  Is it an infection?  Oh they are going to give us medicine just in case???? Praise the Lord!  Everything has gone wrong today, at least we have some good news!  RIGHt?!?!?  Ahhh!  We still have to drive all the way to Orlando and go to the aiport in the morning!  Can you go fill Rory's prescription at Wal-mart?  Oh and can you finally take the dog to the kennel?  I'll try to pack something! 

My Wife from One Year Ago:  Let me just turn on some music  and light some candles.  And look, I made your favorite dinner.  Later, we can watch a movie and I will show you just how much I love you.  


Friday sucked!

Decemeber... Happy 4 Months!

January always prepares our minds to be ready for new things, whether they be; diets, promising to run a little bit more, getting closer to God, or just being a nicer person in general.  For our little household it seems like Rory has decided he doesn't want to wait for New Years.  December will do just fine.

Rock and Rolling:

Rory pretty much just rolls everywhere now.  In November he was rolling from his belly to his back, but now he's rolling every which way that is possibly known to babydom.  We've had to put up barrier pillows to block him from rolling off the carpet onto the wood floors, but they really only work every fifth time.  He's been found with his little tootsies pushed under the couch a time or two.  (Maybe he'll be good at dusting when he's older.)




Baby Sitting:

His new baby sitter Miss Anna says he is nothing but a blessing and we feel exactly the same way about her!  She is basically an answered prayer from God.  She is so great with Rory and every morning when we transfer him to her care he gives her a big smile and she talks back to him.  Her kids also flock to Rory and make him giggle as soon as he's buckled safely into her car.  (What?  Oh yeah, she picks him up at our school.  Isn't she amazing?)

Pterodactyl:

  Rory has discovered that his voice can make this high pitched squeak and he does it constantly now.  He doesn't even need to do it, but he loves it.  No more are the days of the cute little cooing "ooohhh".  Now we just get this high pitched pterodactyl boy when you try to talk to him.  I have to say I love listening to him test his new abilities and sounds.  It's so crazy to see the growth of this little human right in front of me.    Of course the little dinosaur boy, (which is hew newest nickname) isn't satisfied with just screeching obnoxiously, he wants to try and make it even higher.  Kim and I can't help but crack up (for like the first two times) at the strain in his voice when he can't quite screech as high as he wants to.  After ten screeches, you can stick a fork in us.  To my astonishment, Kim had said:  It's the first thing that he's ever done that's been annoying.  I wanted to remind her of the time he drenched her on the airplane by retching his entire bottle.  I didn't though.

Parading:

Rory got to ride on the float in our school's Winter Parade.  It was his first time sleeping halfway through the whole town waving at him and saying "Oh!  Look at the baby!  It's super baby!  Look how cute he is!"   Once he woke up for the remainder of the parade he watched the bright lights and laughed at all the people we passed by.  Super baby you ask???  Our theme might have been super heroes!  We teachers of course are totally not even a little bit nerdy.  We are just super at what we do.  Right?  Don't you buy it?  :) 

The Next Monday one of our students came into the room and said "Hey Super Daddy!  Saw you guys at the parade!  I just talked to Super Mommy.  I can't wait to see Super Baby again at youth group!  Bye!"

 I don't know why I was taken aback by her total cuteness.  Kids say the funniest things. 

Flying: 

With the combo of Thanksgiving and Christmas, Rory will have flown on four separate flights after just turning 4 months!  Let's hear it for the Ror!  Let's give the Ror a hand for being a world traveler!  (music joke)  If my child becomes a weirdo at some point, we will know where it originated? 

Solids:

And one of the most fun things that has happened recently is Rory trying his first solid food.  He started with bananas this week and kind of adores them, as he should.  Bananas really should be a household staple of any growing boy.  They are the super fruit!  I have always loved them as well, which I'm sure you may have guessed.  Not that you care about me.  You're really more curious about the Ror-ster, which is really okay.  He's the best.

Comic by Bitstrips

TAKE YOUR SHOES OFF! Thanksgiving Break: Part 3 of 3

 After leaving my dad's house we headed back onto the snowy roads to get to my Aunt Stacy and Uncle Randy's house which was (again) going to host our family get-together for the Thanksgiving Holiday.  I was so excited to introduce Rory to them!   We have always been so close!  My brother, and I were there so often as kids that it just feels like an extension of our home.  My Aunt and Uncle aren't just that, they are extended parents.  My cousins also are not just cousins, but extra siblings that I got to hang out with on all major holidays and summer excursions.  Our whole family always met up there and continued from where we left off.  I have some of my favorite childhood memories there!  (I was very disheartened that my Aunt Pat and Uncle Greg weren't able to make it.  We miss you guys!)

As we stepped up to the door to go inside, I couldn't help but have a flash of memories flood back into my brain. 

I can picture my cousins and I playing tremor tag in the yard.  The "tremor" tearing after the victims.  But, when you stop moving, the tremor is blinded.  So classic!  I remember turning the basement stairs into a huge slide by adding 2 enormous mattresses to the mix.   We tested our filmmaking skills by killing everyone off in are Scorsese meets Wes Craven horror fest.  After poor Aunt Stacy was suffocated by a pillow, and her only job was to remain still, she still managed to change channels on the remote control.  (It completely made the movie so much better!)

We threw tons of blankets and pillows on the trampoline and camped out under the stars, we drove each other insane by giving each step of the stairs an abstract color name like Macaroni and Cheese yellow and then had to repeat them by memory to become the king or queen of the Rainbow Stairs.  But the best memory of all, and the one Aunt Stacy would like to forget, was when I was 12 and visiting for Christmas, the moment I walk into the house, Aunt Stacy turns from that sweet nice lady into a demon spawn from It's Hotter than Hades in here and her eyes glow red, and her lips burst into fire as they shriek... "TAKE YOUR SHOES OFF!!!!"  I fall back from the concussion and then everything turns back to normal.  "We got new carpet."



  As I knock on the door, no one is home.  I call her and she says: "You're there aren't you?  I knew that the moment I left you'd show up.  Oh my goodness. I'll be right there!"
 And she was.  She basically kidnaps Rory, in the nicest way.
"Where is Rory?  Oh, I will hold him.  You can go sit down for a bit.  I'm sure you're tired.  You know you have to help yourself if you're hungry.  There is soda in the garage and all kinds of good stuff.  I've been cooking for days in preparation for you to get here!  You better eat everything!"
 "Alright!" I say.
"Oh he's so precious," Aunt Stacy says and you can see the love in her eyes.  It's the same love you always see from Aunt Stacy.  I loved seeing her holding Rory.

"Hey!  I was kind of hoping you'd ask Rory to take his shoes off.
 "Oh pish!" Aunt Stacy says.  "You make such a big deal about that, and you blow it all out of proportion."
  "It's not just me.  Everyone remembers it!  It's like JFK or Neil Armstrong.  It's historical."
"Okay, okay," Aunt Stacy says.

 As Kim and I go to grab the Chex Mix from the bowl and eat a few handfuls, I hear a voice say, "You know, there's only one tub of Check Mix." 
 "Oh, should I stop eating it?" I ask.
  Aunt Stacy laughs, "No.  I don't know why I said that.  I'm just.."
  "Because you are amazing, and that's why we love you!"
"You are sweet, "Aunt Stacy says, "Now will you grab my ipad, I wanna take a picture of this little honey!"

 We basically didn't get to hold Rory again for another three days.  This was especially the case when Ryan, Sara,  Angie, and Matt came over.  It was so awesome though.  We got to catch up and they got to meet the amazing Mr. Ror-ster!  They loved holding him too!  It was so great having the family get back together. 


"Get me a Corona!" Grammy Kay shouts to Angie as she starts dancing on a table. 
"Sure thing!" Angie says.  "Here you go!"   Then Angie grabs her phone and snaps a picture of Rory.
"You guys aren't going to drink too much are you?  Thanksgiving is tomorrow," Aunt Stacy says,  "and if you drink you won't want to eat Thanksgiving!"
"I've never heard that before," Kim says.  "The things you can learn in Wisconsin."
"You learn a lot here," Angie says, "Like that one time when Josh had to TAKE HIS SHOES OFF!"
Everyone laughed. 
"How could we forget that?" Sara says.
 "That was the pivotal moment of our lives," Ryan says, "That and creating that radio show.  What was it called again?  WFAT?"
"When Fat Adults Talk," Sara says.  "I was Flabby Abby, but Angie was the best!"
"Double Chinny Ginny!" I shout.  "So much fun!  Ryan, weren't you Raul Movement?"
"Wow," Kim laughs.  "So the poop humor doesn't just end with Josh?"
 "1 of 3 of us has IBS, and we all talk about it!" Grammy Kay laughs.


Kim, Sara, Ryan and I slipped out at some point to watch the new Catching Fire movie, which was so good, and the fact that the theatre was freezing made me like the movie even better.  I felt like I was actually in the movie for the first half. 
 

As Thanksgiving came, the drunkish people were still able to eat and that was very rewarding in itself, plus we played all sorts of board games, (including Balderdash which is one of the things we always do when we get together.  Because we are all insane and make up the craziest stuff)  I really miss living so far away and only getting these opportunities to be with family so minimally.

Here is a beautiful rap that they maybe drunkish or non drunkish people made for Rory:

http://khu.sh/autorap_52980c7c4347a&v2

Later, Rory starts to cry, and before I can get up...

"I'll feed him," Sara, Angie and Stacy shout at the same time. 
Sara snaps a picture of Rory with her phone.
"Nice," I say.   "I think even the celebs don't get this many pictures taken."
"Oh that's because he's so special!" Grammy Kay says.
"Yes we know," I say.  "He's advanced!"
"HE IS!" Grammy Kay shouts standing up.  "Look at his hands!  Those things just never stop moving!  Those hands are special!  He's going to do something with this hands."
"Are you prophesying over him?" I ask.
 "Probably!" Grammy Kay says, "I was drawn to those hands, even before I met him.  I saw them in a picture and I just knew."
 "Cool!" I say.

After Rory eats he begins to grunt.
"Oh that's my boy!" Grammy Kay shouts!  She begins to grunt.
Kim looks at me and her eyes grow, "What is she doing?"
"Let's find out," I say.  "What are you doing mom?"
 "Oh... I grunt with him!"  She grunts again.  "It helps him poop!"
 We all laugh.
"Just be careful, we don't want any accidents."
"I'll be ready for that," Sara says snapping a picture!

When it was time to go, Grammy Kay cried and as I went to hug everyone, Aunt Stacy pushed me away and said, "You have to hug me last!"  So I hugged everyone else first.

As we pulled away my Aunt and mom stood at the door waving until we were no longer visible. 

"That's what they always did when I was little." I tell Kim.  "When we left, they'd all stand at the door and wave and wait till we were gone."
"I'm so glad Rory got to meet all of them," Kim says.
"Me too!"


P.S.  In case you wondered about the flight back.  Rory decided to poop as soon as we sat down in our seats.  It sure was fun trying to find a place to change him 10,000 feet in the air. 

Comic by Bitstrips

Over the Country and Across the Skies: To Grandmother's house we go! Thanksgiving Part 2 of 3.

 

 After Kim changed her formula coated pants, we grabbed the rental car and headed out towards my old stomping grounds to meet Wisconsin Grandma and Grandpa for the first time.  Some 4 hours later we finally find our way to my dad’s house.                                                                                                      

  I have to say that I completely enjoyed Rory’s little face when we opened the car door and a huge 16 degree wind chill blew right past him.  His eyes got huge and he was like “what the heck is this, and why am I wearing this big heavy coat?  I hate this coat!  I never have to wear this many clothes!!!”  (Florida babies are not used to wearing this much.)

Once we pulled into my dad’s driveway my little brother ran outside faster than I’ve ever seen him move.  This was also Uncle Jared’s first time meeting Rory as well.  Grandpa and Grandma were upstairs looking out the windows to see if indeed it was us who had pulled into the drive.  It brought back lots of fun memories of that old house. 

 

It was an amazing night of catching up and having everyone meet and love on little Rory.

  “He’s so precious,” Grandma Jo screams almost tap-dancing. 

  “Ehhhh---ooooo!” Uncle Jared echolocates in some garbled scream that sort of reminds me of Xena Warrior Princess.

“I don’t like hobbles and I can’t stand fences…” Grandpa sings with an exaggerated twang, as he bounces Rory on his knee.

Rory had such a blast laughing at Uncle Jared’s impressions, if Jared doesn’t kill me for saying.  I am now seeing that Grammy Kay is not the only Wildebeest in this family.  When not singing Grandpa was also making some very wacky faces that I literally had to crack up at.  But, even Sinead O’Conner would say that nothing compares to Grandpa on the floor playing with Rory.
 

  “What’s that Rory?” Grandpa says laying on the floor beside him.  “Are you going to be a runner?”

 I watch as Rory kicks his legs like crazy and coos.  Then my eyes which I can’t believe are not deceiving me watches Grandpa kick his legs in the air and coo.  I think I could probably live a thousand more lifetimes and not see this image again.  It will be forever engrained  in my mind.

The next morning Grandpa and Grandma took us, plus Grammy Kay, out to breakfast at this small little hole in the wall restaurant in an obscure little town.

 

"This is so good!" Kim says.  These are the best hash browns I have ever eaten."

"You should have tried the biscuits and gravy!" I say.

"I'm fine with my blueberry pancakes!" Kim says.

 "YEAH!  Grammy Kay shouts, " I have to break out my fat clothes!  I have gained so much weight!! HAHAHAHA!"

 "Really?  You are just going to go and shout that across the restaurant?" I say.

 "Low tones," she points, and then continues her hardy conversation with Jared and Grandpa.

"Take pictures!" Grandma Jo squeals, hugging her cup of coffee.

"Of course!" I say pulling out my cellphone.  

"I NEED PICTURES OF MY GRANDBABY!" Grammy Kay (who has already taken like 700 pictures on her tablet) yells as well! 

 "I got some fantastic pictures on my cellphone but wish I would have brought my really nice camera along.  I left it at the house."

  "Well we can get it later!" Grandma Jo says to Grandpa with glee, "How about that?  What do you think sweetie, should we do a photo shoot?!?!?!?!"

 Grandpa rolls his eyes and almost falls out of his chair, "Oh boy!  A photo-shoot is the last thing I want to do.  It makes me really anxious!" 

 "Taking pictures?" I ask.

 "Jo here, is one of 7 in her family and a simple Christmas picture takes about an hour and a half.  I just can't handle photo-shoots!"

  "I just meant a couple pictures," Grandma Jo says.  "You need to relax." 

  "Yeah," Grandpa says, "I will when I retire.  Oh, hey everyone, did I ever tell you that I was going to cut back the amount of time I work now.   Oh what was that?  Oh, have I been saying that for 15 years?  Oh, well.  This time I mean it.  You just wait and see."

  Rory laughs.

  "That's right, Rory.  You tell him that we will believe it, when we see it."

 

  We spent the rest of the day seeing the sights, enjoying a craft mall, and randomly running into the mother of one of my friends that I teach with in Florida.  So ironic!  Don't ya think?  How nice. 

 

On Sunday, I went to visit a couple fantastic friends and their family, we will call them the M's.   I met them when I was student teaching.    I actually student taught with Mr. M.  He is an amazing teacher and mentor.  I'm so glad I got to see these guys and hang out with them and introduce them to Rory.  He loved all the attention and the story was nice too.

 After visiting the M's we headed to my mom's house where she had invited a bunch of friends to meet Rory.  (and also to show off how cute and so darn smart he is.)

The following are some fun pictures from the event. 

The whole time visiting Grandma and Grandpa happened way to fast!  It felt like we just got
there and then it was time to go.  We look forward for them coming down in a couple months when they take a vacation.
    Rory knows what to do with a book!

It's always hard to leave the familiar places you have grown up in and spent so much of your life at, but we know there is always a plan for everything that happens.  Without Florida, there would be no Rory, no Kim, and to be quite honest, this amazing and totally beautifully written blog you've been enjoying would never have existed.  Jeez, now I feel like I'm in Back to the Future. 

Enjoy the pictures and live for the day! 



 
 

 
 

Thanksgiving Break: Part 1 of 3

I love the fact that our school district builds in two hurricane days at the beginning of Thanksgiving week.  The benefit thus being that if there aren't any hurricanes or tropical storms, we get the whole week off for Thanksgiving.  (Which was the case this year and leads us into our story.)

  Kim, Grammy Kay, her 8 bags of luggage, Ror, his 3 bags of luggage, his car seat and I headed to the airport early on Friday morning (the weekend before Thanksgiving.) 

Concerning the road:

  "Did I close the garage door?" I ask peeking over Grammy Kay's bag number 4, an hour after pulling out of the driveway. 
  "Seriously?" Kim asks.
  "Yeah," I say.
  "Do you recall me doing the Macarena and singing ,"You closed the garage door, you closed the garage door.  I'm singing this so loudly so we can both remember that you did close the door and you don't have anxiety attacks all week."
  "Oh yeah," I say.  "Now I remember. Wait, did you take the garbage out?  It was sitting by the can."
  "I thought you did it.  I never take the garbage out."
  "Oh.  Did you Grammy Kay?"
  She pretends she can't hear anything I'm saying behind bag number 7.
  "Crap!" I shout.  "I forgot I left my bagel in my bag from the other day.  And did anyone throw the pecan pie out?  We are going to have a house full of bugs!!"

  Concerning arriving at the airport:

   "Oh my gosh.  What did you put in this bag?"
  "It's just my curling iron, hair straightener, all those goody bags I bought at the one yard sale, my frog leg sizzler, and..."
   "I didn't really need a play by play, I just was trying to figure out how you ended up accumulating so much stuff in the 2 months you were here for."
  "Oh, I see," Grammy Kay says lugging 1 suitcase in each hand, and two suitcases tied around her waist with a bungee cord.  "I guess I'm just good at collecting things." 
  "So are hoarders," I say.
   "Hello, welcome to Southwest," the skycap man says.  "Can I take your bags?"
  I laugh out loud, "You're going to wish you didn't have to."
  After checking in all 11 plus bags, the man asked for our IDs and when we didn't have one for Rory he was beyond flustered.  "Well, you need to have an ID, a birth certificate, some sort of info."
  "Well, we don't," Kim says red-headedly.  "We haven't received it yet, and everyone I asked told me I didn't need anything.  Sorry."
  "Well come with me," the man says, escorting Kim and Rory to his supervisor, who in less than ten seconds says "Oh yes.  The baby is so young.  It's fine."
  "Well that was quite the hiccup," Grammy Kay says.
  "Don't even say that word.  I get hiccups by osmosis." my wife hiccups in reply.

Concerning using a mat in the airport:

  "I'm so glad we brought this mat with us.  Rory loves to lay on it and stretch out.  Ashley (a woman we work with who was pregnant with Kim) was so smart to suggest it.  I just love getting advice from mothers.  I know some people don't like getting advice but I just do."
  "That's nice," I say.
  "Oh yeah!  I am positive this mat is going to be a lifesaver.  Just look at him laying there cooing.  I just love his little giggle, don't you?"
  "Yes."
  "I also just can't believe how perfect it is that our flight is exactly at Rory's feeding time.  Everyone says you should feed your baby as you are ascending because it helps with the ear popping.   I would just hate for him to get an ear infection.  We will be up a creek if he gets one."
  "Huh?" Grammy Kay asks, "Did you say something?  You know I just can't hear those low tones."
  "Oh look, they're boarding now," I say.


Concerning Boarding:

I follow behind Kim who is holding Rory as we board the plane.  I notice a strange lady already seated smiling freakishly at our tiny tot.  Out of nowhere, her elf-like hand reaches out and pats Rory on the rump.
Kim doesn't even know what to say as she pulls Rory from the handsy woman's grasp.  At the time I thought she had just grabbed his foot or else I would have given her a pat on the butt back and asked if she liked strange people touching her butt.
 
Now past the crazy elf, Kim rules the roost as she finds her way to three seats relatively close to the front of the plane. 
"These look just perfect," Kim says.
"Sure do," I say. 
"Please find your seats," a steward says as he zips on by.
"Hmmph," Grammy Kay reacts.
"What?" I ask.
"HE WASN'T VERY NICE."
"What do you mean, and why are you shouting?"
"Do you want any drinks?" he asks monotone as he basically appears out of nowhere.
"No.  What?  I don't think so.  Huh?" Grammy Kay says making it difficult.
"I would like a sprite," Kim says.
"Cranberry," I say.
"Oh!  Those drinks.  I thought you meant a drink, drink.  Yeah, I'll have a coke," Grammy Kay says.
Maxamillion, the attendant rolls his eyes.
"DID YOU SEE THAT?  HE IS SO RUDE.  HE REALLY NEEDS TO RETIRE!  HE'S BEEN WORKING TOO LONG!"
"Mom, please stop shouting," I whisper.  "He's going to hear you."
"I DON'T CARE! "I DON'T HAVE TO PUT UP WITH THIS S%@!$""
"Stop shouting!  The kids are going to hear you."
"I AM NOT YELLING!" Grammy Kay shrieks.
"Yes you are."
"Oh it's probably the pressure of the plane.  All of this air gets in my head and I can't hear how loud I am."
"Air in your head?  You have to be kidding."
Maxamillion walks by. 
"RETIRE ALREADY!" Grammy taunts the man.
"Stop!  I have a Grammy and a baby on this flight and who do I have to pay more attention too?" I say as Kim conveniently reads her I-pad
"I DON'T CARE WHAT HE THINKS."
"Well, I do.  He's probably going to pee in our drinks," I say.
"PEE?" Grammy asks perplexed. 
"Yeah, I think it's illegal for you to spit in drinks now."

Concerning Ascending:

 "He's doing so well," Kim says looking down at Rory, suckling away on his bottle.
 "I know.  He's so serene.  I love it!  Where's my camera?" I ask.
  I dig in my bag for my phone and snap a variety of poses as Rory sleeps.
  "I'm trying to get the wing in the picture.  Oh, it's too dark because I'm taking a pic towards the window." 
   "Hang on!  I have to burp him," Kim says.
  As her hands moves in slow motion towards Rory's little back, a ton of liquid projectiles out of his mouth. 
  "I jump up horrified,  Kim throws her hand out, trying to catch it, Grammy Kay dives into the aisle, somehow tossing wet wipes up at us in the process.
   The baby continues to spew all over Kim's shirt and pants.
  Kim screams in agony as she finds herself soaked in Rory's entire regurgitated bottle.
  "Aww man," I say wiping my seat with the wet wipes.  "He got some on my pants."
  "You have a quarter sized wet spot on your pants, look at me!  I am covered, now get me some wet wipes!!!!" 
 
   Concerning leaving the Milwaukee terminal:


   "Yeah, I have to change my clothes as soon as we get our bags, "Kim says walking through the airport, "There is formula in places that I can't even tell you about!"
  "Hmm.  Aren't you glad you followed that little piece of advice you heard from everyone?"

                                                                                                What?!?!?!?  Are you serious? 

                                                                                          When we left it was 81 degrees!!!!

                              
                                                      Comic by Bitstrips