Wednesday, July 16, 2014

Cabin Fever 3: The Day After July 4th!

The next morning half of the family packed up and headed back home,(the lucky ones) leaving 15 other poor souls still in the beautiful lake house.  But they weren’t alone!  Something else was in there with them, just waiting for the right time to attack.  And trust me, it did.  It really did.

Aunt Patt, our lovely and gracious host was the unfortunate first victim.

“Oh dearie me!  Oh dearie me!” she cries running from one bathroom to the next.  “This is not a good day, this is not a good day!”

“Seems like a normal day to me,” Sara says lounging on the hammock.  “We have to go swimming!  It’s so nice.”

“Good idea!” everyone says with a cheerful disposition.

It’s only halfway through breakfast when our second victim is taken out for the count.  My lovely wife, Kim half faints and halfway falls up the stairs and lands on the air mattress we had been sharing all week.

 “Are you okay?” I ask.

“I think I’m dying,” Kim says as she rushes on her hands and knees to the bathroom.  I can hear scuffling, grunting, gasping, puking, and then silence. 

“If you need anything, just call for me,” I say. 

From downstairs I heard Grammy Kay whisper/shout “YES!  She’s pregnant!”

“I’m not pregnant!” Kim shouts with a spurt of vomit.

“Oh yes you are!” Aunt Stacy says.  “I’m positive in a few weeks we’ll be getting a call saying she’s expecting!”

“Morning sickness doesn’t usually come with a side of the Runs does it?” I ask.

“Well every pregnancy is different,” Aunt Stacy says.  “I think I had the runs with Angie.”

Grammy Kay was doing a happy dance.  “I’m going to be a Grammy again!”

“THIS IS NOT PREGNANCY!” Kim shouts and locks herself in the bathroom.

Luckily Rory is as content as a cucumber bopping from relative to relative.  That is unless he sees me.  For some reason he’s in total “I NEED DADDY!” phase every time he sees me.   Even if it’s mommy who is holding him.  She hates it.  I secretly love it.  But I do need a little break every once in a while.  So I’m glad there are tons of people to help out.  Sara and Angie were especially cuddly with him.

Grammy told me to go and have fun with my cousins and she’d make sure Rory was okay.

So we swam, we fished, we drank a little bit.  What a good time.  But the evil was still lurking around and about to take its next victim.    Uncle Randy broke out into a fit of chills and started blowing his breakfast into the air like a really expensive water fountain.

“NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!” Aunt Stacy screams from inside the lake house!  “This can’t be happening!  I hate germs!  This is terrible.  We should just leave!”

We all watched as Uncle Randy ran to the upstairs bathroom, while Aunt Patt was coming out of a downstairs bathroom.  Meanwhile, Kim was already in a bathroom and yelling for gingerale.

“I can do that, would you also like a depends?” I joke.

“I don’t know about her, but I might need one,” Sara, the new bride says collapsing on the couch.  “I feel disgusting!  My stomach is on fire!”

“OH MY GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOSH!” Aunt Stacy screams, “What is happening?  It must be in the water!”

I was praying now that whatever was going on was not going to get me or Rory.  If I went down for the count, there would be no way anyone was going to be left to take care of him.

I moved my bedding to a sleepaway chair, set Rory’s pack and play right beside me, and opened the sliding glass door letting the beautiful fresh air pour over us all night.

My cousin Scott, who is a nurse and his girlfriend Nora swooped around the lake house with homemade remedies and amazing pleasantries tending to the afflicted.  It was a good thing too, because this nightmare wasn’t over yet. 

Aunt Stacy came down with the flu in the middle of the night and so did my other cousin Ryan.  To be honest, with the fresh air, the moans of discomfort, and never ending flush of the toilet, I’m surprised anyone made it through the night.  But by morning out of the 15 of us, only Scott, Nora, Grammy Kay, Angie, Rory, Joe, Matt, and myself had survived.  (Although Matt, and Angie wouldn’t make it through the rest of the day)

Joe was the first to leave.  He had to work, and Sara in no condition to go with him would have to stay and get a ride back from her parents.  It was such a beautiful moment watching the week old newlyweds saying goodbye.   Joe stood above Sara, with the top of his shirt covering his mouth like a surgical mask.

“Get out while you can!” Sara coughs, “I’m so jealous!”   She collapses in a fit of defeat.

A couple hours later we eventually took Sara’s sage advice ourselves.  Kim was the first and only one to make a complete recovery that morning and since all of us were feeling okay, it was better to make the five hour drive while we all felt well. 

“Do you guys want a depends for the road?” someone asked nonchalantly, as if this was the most natural thing in the world to ask.

“No,” I say.

“Maybe,” Grammy Kay says, always the worrier.

Disclaimer:  Due to much debate:  Rory probably was the virus carrier.  We can’t say sorry enough to everyone that came down with the flu.  Rory is giggling but not about this.  He’s just a happy baby.  Again, we are so sorry.  Love you!  Can’t wait for next 4th of July!

Comic By Bitstrips

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