Saturday, August 31, 2013

Baby's First Bath!!!

Note from my wife:  She would like everyone to know that she is my wife and she carried my son for nine months and thinks this blog entry should not exist. 

Today was a big day of firsts for Rory.  Rory got his first bath today, got his nails clipped for the first time, he went on his first outing, and met a lot of people for the first time, including his other Grammy Mary from Wisconsin.  (My mom.  And technically he won't meet her for another 6 hours.)

  Let's take it back to this morning where Grammy D and I are gathered around the little baby bath.  I pull the floating octopus thermometer, which glows when the water temperature is ideal for sensitive baby skin, out of the water.  (I pretty much love that product.)

  "Kim!  The water is ready!" I shout.
  "Coming!" she yells back from the nursery.

  Second later, she walks out of the nursery with a very naked baby.  "Oh he's going to hate this!  All I did last time was set him in the baby bath to give him a sponge bath and he wailed."

  "Nah!  He will probably be a little aqua man," I say. 
  "I thought you were all about Superman," Kim says.
  I roll my eyes because she should know that Aqua Man, albeit not as awesome as superman, is still amazing.
  "You filled it kind of full," Kim complains.
  "Okay," I reply, "Now put him in."

  Kim puts the baby in the water and he doesn't cry miraculously.  I think he even coos. 
  "Now don't forget to get an extra washcloth for his little thing so he doesn't pee all over you.  With girls it doesn't matter but with boys it will shoot at you," Grammy D tells the air around us.  I think Kim and I are too focused on watching the baby splash his hands in the water.  I grab the camera and start snapping pictures like I'm a photographer on America's Next Top Baby. 

Meanwhile, Kim is as gentle as a baby fawn stepping gently towards a stream.  She is so careful with washing Rory's face, and scrubbing his body.  She supports his head just so as she lathers it with shampoo.  I have never been more proud of this amazing mother and wife. 

  That moment is shattered five seconds later when she squeezes a washcloth over the top of Rory's head and all of his shampoo cascades down his face, into his eyes and now crying mouth.  Grammy D gasps in utter shock. 

  "What are you doing?" I exclaim.  "You're supposed to tilt the baby's head backwards when you rinse his hair.  Even I know that much!"
  "Mmm-hmm," Grammy D chimes in.

  My wife is just nervous laughing, because that's what she does every time things get a little bit too serious. 
  Rory of course is still crying. 
  I finish rinsing Rory off because I just don't want him to have to ingest any more shampoo today.  Kim is still giggling over my shoulder.

  "That was so mean, wasn't it?" Grammy D coos into Rory's ear.  "That was a mean mommy."

This is the part of the blog where you get to choose your own adventure. 

*  If you think Josh needs a haircut even though his wife thinks he can wait until Wednesday, please go down and read the green writing.
*  If you would like to go on a nice family walk to the Labor Day Festival read the blue writing.
*  If you want to see baby Rory throw up multiple times today and watch Josh blame it in on Kim because she tried to drown the baby with shampoo flavored water, just know that it happened about 4 times.

  An hour later we are off to the salon to get Daddy a haircut.  Our hairdresser Tammy has been so excited to meet Rory for the longest time and the timing couldn't have been better.  Tammy is about the most fantastic lady and conversationalist you will meet.  She did Kim's hair for our wedding and we've loved her ever since.  Now, she's our go to girl.   On top of all that she can actually make me look good so I mean you can tell she's talented. 

  Rory decided he was starving once we arrived so Kim had to feed him after he met Tammy, (who literally lunged out of her chair when she saw us coming in.   She was so surprised that we had actually brought him in. )  I swear that boy is going to eat us out of house and home soon.  He's  only almost three weeks old and he's already having growth spurts.  Also Tammy's eyes glinted at the length of Rory's fair hair and I could see the hunger in her eyes to trim it up a little bit.  Kim wants to give in and let her trim our werewolf pup's hair, but I am putting my foot down and we aren't giving him a haircut quite yet.  Aren't you supposed to wait for like a year or something?  At any rate if he's anything like his werewolf father, it will at least be for another week or so before we have to trim.

  Afterwards, we head to the center of town to walk through the park which was decorated with vendors and fair food to celebrate the Labor Day Festival.  It's been so long since Kim and I have been to that sort of thing, so we went a little bit crazy with fair food.  We got some homemade ice cream, fresh squeezed lemonade, and a bunch of dips with pretzels.  (We will be back on Monday to get the fries and funnel cake.)
  We probably ran into ten people who got to meet Rory today and they all loved his red hair and converse shoes.  He didn't say much because he mostly slept through the whole event, but it sure was a lot of fun and totally weird at the same time.  I don't know if I've ever really pictured myself as an actual dad.  I mean don't get me wrong, I thought someday I'd be a dad, but actually walking the walk and not just thinking the thought, are two different things.  Walking through the park with a baby stroller was idyllic and very strange.  But also kind of perfect. 
"I am staring at a beautiful baby model in front of me right now and with this picture you really captured your mischievous and maybe somewhat pooping face.  Congratulations you are still in the running to be America's Next Top Baby!"

(I apologize.  I know it's cheesy but it's on Hulu Plus and I decided to watch this season.)

Comic By Bitstrips

Thursday, August 29, 2013

His Belly Button is Leaking!!!!

  So I never claimed to be a genius in all things baby oriented.  In fact, I am pretty sure I know very little compared to most baby daddy's.  I do know however, that babies can not have a completely dry onesie, one second and then have a soaked back the next second without a pretty good explanation.  Welcome to my night.

  "His onesie is soaked again!" Grammy D says.  "I can't believe how much he sweats."
  "He is my little sweaty man!" Kim pops off. 
  "It's pretty weird," I say.
  "I know.  All he was doing was laying against me.  I only have this little blanket."

  Now this would be all fine and good.  But this isn't the first time this has happened.  The past few weeks he has constantly having to be changed from one onesie to the next, because of his little sweating issue.  Tonight, however was not the typical sweaty man episode.

  Grammy D gets up to change his onesie and his diaper while she's at it.    While she does Kim and I continue to watch Shark Week (which is now featured on Netflix.  SCORE!) 
   "I will never be able to swim in the ocean again," Kim says overdramatically.
  "You say this every time someone mentions a shark.  But the statisitcs state you've swam with hundreds of sharks in your lifetime without knowing it.  They are constantly around, but they don't want to hurt you."
  "Tell that to all those people on this program." 
  "Well, you aren't thinking about the odds and most of those people didn't die.  They just got nibbled on," I say.
  "WHO WANTS TO BE NIBBLED ON?" Kim screams.
  "Okay, Rory is back!"
  I reach out my hands and hold tight to the little guy while he stares around the world in wonderment.  I kiss his fragrant head which reeks of that amazing baby smell.
  "Hi baby!" I say to him as his deep blue eyes look directly into mine.  "I love you!  Do you want to go swim with sharks with your daddy?"
  "Oh stop!" Kim huffs.
  My arm is suddenly wet and so is the back of his onesie. 
  "Holy cow!  He is wet again!"
  "Did he pee?" Kim asks.
  I sniff my arm but it doesn't smell like anything but a faint hint of lotion.   
  "I don't think it's pee."

  Grammy D scoops him up before I can even respond and takes him back to the nursery, where she narrates the whole rundown from there.  We hear that his diaper is dry, but his onesie is soaked again.  A few minutes later Rory rejoins me on the couch with yet another new onesie. 
  "Wow!  You are quite the drama king!" I tell him.
  "I just don't get!" Grammy D says.
  "Me either!" I reply just as a great white shark attacks another surfer.
  "Oh my gosh!  I'll never swim again!"
  "It's not the shark's fault.  Just wait and see.  I'm sure there is a reason these sharks are on a frenzy."
  Kim huffs again and Rory starts to grunt and groan.  I pat his little belly to comfort him and feel that the area near his belly button is very wet.
  "WHAT THE HECK?" I exclaim.  "This is like the twilight zone.  Do you think his belly button is leaking?"
  Kim laughs.  "What?  That's not even possible."
  "Well his plug came out, can it ooze or leak or something?"
  "Uh no, but you can check I guess."
  The whole room erupts in laughter like I'm the town idiot.
  "Unbutton his onesie."
  "Well I know that, but.... grrr... nevermind." 
  As I unbutton his onesie, I notice his diaper is still dry.  I check his belly button and it appears normal on first inspection.  As I push the diaper down a little bit to get a better view of his belly, the lip of the diaper opens up a little and I notice his little penis is pointing straight up so he can shoot any way he wants to without even hitting the diaper. 
  "Okay," I say.  "He doesn't seem to quite fit into his newborn diapers anymore.  Time to move onto size one."
   "Aww, my baby is growing too fast," Kim says and I swear there are tears glistening in her eyes.
  "That's my big boy!" I laugh, "Now can someone please take him so I can wash off my arm."

Comic by Bitstrips


Monday, August 26, 2013

Baby Blues...

  Apparently a good portion of mothers will get post partum baby blues.  They'll be a little depressed, or worried and nervous after their baby is no longer kicking them in the ribs.  I suppose their lack of sleep and trying to deal with a crying baby is reason enough.  Oh, I suppose you are thinking the next thing I'm going to say is that Kim had the baby blues.  What?  Why would a woman who had been carved into and had a baby pulled out of her get the blues?  I mean that's just silly.  No.  She never got the baby blues.  I did.

  I blame the fact that I had to get up at 3 A.M.  I also blame the fact that I was scared for my wife.  Neither of us have really ever spent any time in a hospital before and this was general surgery.  Fine, I also blame the fact that I'm horrible with change.  I hate big changes.  Heck, I even hate big purchases.  I could spend $150.00 dollars in small chunks of $20 at a time and feel totally fine with it, but if I have to write a check for $150.00, I hyperventilate.  So imagine me in the hospital, waiting for surgery, waiting for a baby, waiting for everything to change.  I most definitely got the blues!  I also got the worst case of nervous stomach I've ever had in my life.  It doesn't help that I have the worst gag reflex you have ever heard of.  (If you don't believe me, just ask my wife sometime what I sound like in the shower, just because the hot water loosens up all the gunk in my nasal passage.  Not pleasant.)

  Waiting for the doctors to let me into the O.R. was horrible.  My stomach was so queasy.  Once I finally got in, I was ushered to Kim's head and I held her hand.  Neither of us could tell what was going on because they wouldn't let us watch, which Kim was super disappointed about.  After Rory was pulled free they brought me around to cut a portion of the cord.  Once I did, blood shot everywhere as if it was a scene from Ninja Assassins.  (Which Kim still won't watch.  It's so good!)  It was really not very appetizing to see the blood flying all over the poor little baby Ror.  However, it wasn't nearly as bad as when I accidently looked back to where Kim was, and I finally got to see what her insides look like.  (SCARY!!!!)  Trust me, I always said she was beautiful inside and out, but I probably can't ever use that expression again.  Nothing can make your guts look beautiful. 

  It wasn't until later when we were back in our hospital room that I finally purged all of my morning nervousness.  Kim likes to make fun of me now, that the girl who underwent surgery was fine and dandy, but poor Daddy couldn't even handle standing by to watch.  Oh, the irony of it all.  The one who didn't have to do anything got the baby blues for a day. 

Now that's all in the past and today Rory is 2 weeks old!  I can't even believe it!  He even looks different already.  But, boy I sure do love him and the only baby blues I have to deal with now are those beautiful little eyes.

2 Weeks Old!
Comic By Bitstrips

Sunday, August 25, 2013

It's your turn!

  I have to applaud my wife on taking care of Rory while I'm at work.  She wakes up with the baby for night feedings, changes him, and does everything she can so I can get as much sleep as I can so I am not a zombie at work.  In two words: she's amazing!  She is getting so excited because Rory is getting into a routine that makes it even easier for her.  (Well, as easy as a sleep deprived mother can have it in some skewed sense of easiness.)

  This weekend she asked me to be on night duty so she could get some sleep.  I warily said okay, because the last time I was on night duty, Rory screamed all night long, I got maybe 2 hours of sleep and I really wasn't looking forward to that when I know that when Kim does it, she at least gets about 5 to 6 hours.  In the end, how could I say no my wonderful wife and that cute little Rory mug. 

  Friday as you'd expect was a hot mess!  He cried and whined and wouldn't sleep.  I didn't get to bed until maybe 2 A.M. and then he was up at 4, and then again at 6.  Why me?  Then of course Saturday morning he was as calm as a slightly rabid koala.  He was mostly just cute and clingy and cute.  Throughout the day he stayed calm until the afternoon when nothing was going to calm him down at all.  He was a tornado meeting a volcano.  Unhappy and explosive.  (He had some big mushy poops as well, thought you'd care to know.)  Mommy tried to help him, Grammy tried to calm him, but get this, he only would calm down laying on top of daddy's chest.  It was quite the feeling.  (Kim and I are rather competitive.  You should probably not play games against us.  Most of our friends have banned us from playing on a team together.)

  Rory and I relaxed though most of the day and about 9 p.m., Rory and I fell right asleep.  He woke up about 1 A.M. to feed and then again at 3:30 so I could change the nastiest diaper I have ever seen and magically in that same second Kim decided to take him for the rest of the night. As soon as I passed him off, I instantly fell into a deep sleep and didn't wake up until 8. 

  Raise your hand if you had no idea how crazy it is to take care of a newborn.  I am raising my hand high.  I always loved babies and thought they were cute, but they are crazy, punky, and whiney.

  "Don't call our baby a punk," Kim says.
  "He's being a punk though."
  "He's a baby, they cry."

  Who knew?

Comic by Bitstrips

Thursday, August 22, 2013

What a Whirlwind!

Everything has come together so fast.  I have thought more than once how crazy it is that Kim and I had the whole summer to just relax and wait for Rory.  Then right when he decides to make his arrival it happens on the first day of teacher plan week.  From there, its just been nonstop action.  It starts with school, followed by Rory time, and then try to get a little sleep time.  Then it starts all over again. 

And that's all I have time to write today because I want to spend some time with the precious one.
Comic by Bitstrips

Wednesday, August 21, 2013

To Visit or Not to Visit...

  We've had so many visitors lately that wanted to come see our little miracle in the flesh.  (I'm sure my FB pics do no justice.)  It's been fantastic having everyone over, and not just because many of them were toting gifts and yummy foods.  That does make it even more fun though.  Rory doesn't know it yet, but he's been adored by two towering twin toddlers, the VonnTrap- Davidson girls, and of course all of their parents.  Rory was passed around like a peace pipe and I think by the way he slept through it all, he really enjoyed it.  (Except for poor Laney, mother of the twins.  He just fidgeted the whole time.)  I'd love to share all the wonderful pictures with you, but I didn't get permission.  Maybe check FB later.

  The wolf pack has also rallied around Rory on multiple occasions, because let's face it, family is family.  But, I have to tell you about two visitors in particular that really stepped it up in our eyes and probably the eyes of Caesar Flickerman as well. (To understand this reference please get comfortable with the Hunger Games, by Suzanne Collins.)

 Before I can tell the story I have to give you a little background knowledge on our two friends.  First we have the fabulous Katy Teal, whose full name is so amazing that you can't just call her by her first name.  No one can.  She is a distant heir to Walt Disney and works there in the summer to support her habit of being there every weekend and every other Wednesday.  She also dabbles in elementary age music.

Our friend Minnie is anything but typical.  She's a quirky blonde owl collector, who has something interesting to say about everything.  She teaches Kindergarten, loves anything that hoots and either runs a 5k, goes on a Disney cruise, or does some mix of both practically every other weekend.  Among her quirks, she hates babies.  Yeah, no one understands it.  And also no one understands how she ended up befriending Laney first who was pregnant with twins.  (Although she wasn't pregnant when they met.)  It's the universe, I think.

On the ride over to the hospital that hot night, I can picture Katy Teal and Minnie driving to meet Rory for the first time.  Minnie is probably biting her nails, and Katy Teal is grinning from ear to ear as she sings along with her Disney Princess CD.
  "I really don't think I can do this," Minnie says. 
  "You held Laney's baby at Christmas for two full hours," Katy Teal reasons.
  "Yeah, but I had to spike my own egg nog to even look at a baby."
  "Truth," Katy Teal says, "Oh wait, you spiked your own egg nog?  Whoops, I put some in there for you too."
  "No wonder I don't even remember it.... oh but, I know Josh and Kim are going to ask me to hold their baby and I just can't do it...."

(Enter Minnie's Consciousness) 

Minnie is standing in the crowds of District 12 in her best outfit, waiting for the reaping to begin.
Effie stands up in her wildest ridiculous outfit looking down at District 12.
"Ladies and Gentlemen, welcome to the 77th Annual Baby Games, in which one of you will be selected to HOLD a baby!" 
Minnie suddenly feels bile in her throat.  She prays for them to call anyone's name but hers. 
Effie dips her long pink tipped fingers into the reaping bowl and pulls out a slip of paper.  She delicately unwraps it and stares at the finely print name. 
 "Minnie Hatesbabyson."
 "No!!" Minnie cries out. 
The crowd stares at her with sympathy as she slowly makes her way to the stage.  This is just too much for poor Minnie.  With tears in her eyes she looks back one time before the peacekeepers urge her forward towards Effie and the baby she is suddenly carrying.
  "I VOLUNTEER!" someone shouts from the crowd.
Minnie turns back to see Katy Teal barreling through the crowd, pushing everyone aside until she can run to Minnie's side and pull her into a hug.

(Now exiting Minnie's consciousness)

  "I mean, I will hold the baby," Katy Teal says as she pulls into the hospital.  Just pretend you have a cold or something."
  "Thank you," Minnie says.

In the end, Kim wouldn't take no for an answer and Minnie was basically forced to hold Rory, and if you truly ask me, I think she is actually starting to like babies.  Of course, we will never know.  Maybe we will find out at the 78th Annual Baby Games.

Comic By Bitstrips


Tuesday, August 20, 2013

Breast Pump Monster

   So I am sure many a mother has used the breast pump in their pregnant days.  I have to tell you it's quite an interesting device.  I mean, first of all there is the sound.  It almost sounds like it's digesting something.  If I didn't know better I'd fear for my wife's ta ta's.  Then there's the whole issue with looking directly into it's eyes.  You shouldn't do that!  I mean it's no Medusa, it won't turn you into stone or anything.  It will however make you shiver in terror.  If you look directly into it's pumping eyes.  (If you are a new father and you haven't yet, just skip it.  If you do however have to take a peek, you won't be able to take your eyes away until they've seen too much.)  However, if you're like that poor woman who was turned into a pillar of salt in the Old Testament, you will see what I mean soon enough.

  On a pretty similar note, our school year started yesterday here in Florida.  I'm teaching First Grade this year and just two days in, it's totally a new world.  They move slower, they can't read, they cling to their mothers when they get dropped off, but, some of them however have amazing stories they want to tell at recess that just blow your mind.
  One of my little ones has a new sister that was born a week before Rory and so she was very excited to talk about her. 

  "So how is Rory doing?" she asks, her cute little dimples popping on her face.
  "He's good.  Let me show you a picture," I say pulling my phone out.
  At the sound of the word picture, about a half dozen other first graders show up out of nowhere to see the baby picture.
   "Aww, he's cute," she says.
  "How is your little sister doing?" I ask.
  "She's good.  It's like she has three moms, because my older sister and I always want to hold her."
  "Well that's good.  She is very well loved.
  "Yeah, breast feeding isn't so bad."
  I almost have a saved by the bell moment, you know where they are all sitting at the MAX and someone says something every episode that makes someone else spew coke out of their mouth.  Only I wasn't drinking any coke at the moment. 
  "What?" another girl says with disgust on her face.
  "It's really not so bad, it's just a boob and a baby sucking."
  "WELL OKAY, that is a conversation that you can have at home, alright?  School is not really the time for talking about that."
  "Okay, but it's really not gross or anything." 
  "That's a topic for home," I reiterate.

  Having taught 2nd and 3rd Grade previously, I knew kids would say just about anything, but 1st grade is just so different than anything I've ever waded through, and as Bill Cosby would say, "They Really Do Say the Darn-dest Things."

  On another similar note:  Rory probably had the best night sleep of his life last night.  So thanks for all the people praying and giving advice.  Why reinvent the wheel when someone else may have had a similar situation? 
I don't mind the breast pump!!!
Comic by Bitstrips


Friday, August 16, 2013

Everybody Loves Rory!

  So... we are all home.  I know it's been a few days and trust me there has been a ton of stuff happening.  I don't want to rush all of the experience of it for my faithful followers so I'm going to break up the last few days in a couple different posts as a series of flashbacks.  I think that would be the most fun and well it's my blog, so why not.

  It all began at 3 A.M. when Kim woke everyone up to go to the hospital.  It was insane first of all rushing around so early in the morning.  Bella certainly had no clue what was going on, but she knew something was off because no one ever gets up that early.  (Oh, does she have things to look forward to.)

  We have to drive about an hour to get to the hospital and it truly never felt longer.  After arriving a good 30 minutes early, (if it were up to Kim we would have been there 3 hours early) we walk in, Kim rushing us.  It reminded me of our wedding.  She wasn't waiting any longer for this moment.  She was rushing down the hallways, practically begging anyone she passed to let Rory out.  As for daddy to be, I was a little bit nervous.  (Very much, actually.)  They prepped her for surgery and it's so crazy the feeling you have in that moment right before everything changes. 

  The waiting was horrible!  Grammy D and I just wanted to get the surgery started and have everyone happy and healthy.  I won't make you wait as long as I had to so I'll get on with the story.  The surgery went extremely well and Rory was born at 8:15.  Hooray!

I'm not really sure how many days or nights we were in the hospital or even what was day and what was night, and I know a lot of people called and texted and I loved it, but it was ultimately a crazy three days in the hospital.  And yet, it feels so long ago now. Like I was in-between awake and asleep.  (Which I probably was.)

At one point Rory had gotten a little bit of jaundice and they had to put him under a bili light bed.  If you don't know, it basically simulates sunshine and helps the baby to get stronger and urges the jaundice away, which I guess is very common in newborns.  I've heard tons of stories.

The first night was probably the worst because we'd been up since 3 A.M the previous day, and Rory didn't want to sleep, he was pooping out a black tar like substance constantly, and my lovely wife, after just having had a C-section was pretending like she couldn't do anything. (Just kidding baby, I'm just  trying to make the readers smile.)  It was just insane.  Black tar diapers are not my friend. 

At one point, after Rory had been crying for what seemed like hours, and Kim was snoring, then waking and asking how I was doing, and then snoring, and I was about to send Rory back to the Stork Shop, a miracle happened. Kim decided to try and lay him down skin to skin again and this time he instantly fell asleep.

  Hours later:

  "You have to take him for a while," Kim says passing out.
  "What a good boy you are," I tell Rory as I lay down on the couch skin to skin with him, laying on my chest.
  "Don't fall asleep okay," Kim says in-between snores.

  Sometime later...

  I open my eyes which I must have been resting, and stare at the precious sleeping baby.  I lay him down right beside me and put my arm around him.  I recall the poster on the wall that says don't lay the baby down beside you, but the nurses aren't here right now trying to get this baby to sleep.  So we fall asleep together. (Again.)

Sometime later....

"I'm here to check your blood pressure," the nurse says.
"Okay," Kim says jumping to attention in a way that only a new mother who just got cut open can.
I listen as they do their thing for a while...
 "Where's the baby?" the nurse asked, a hint of panic in her voice.
 "I have him right here," I say.
  "Oh.. oh... well... don't fall asleep with him."
 "No worries, we are just chilling out over here," I say.
  "Oh.. well.. okay," the nurse says.
 She leaves a few minutes later.
  "You fell asleep didn't you?" Kim asks.
  "What do you think?"

Comic by Bitstrips


Sunday, August 11, 2013

This Is It...

  This is it.  After tonight, Kim and I will no longer be baby-less.  It's our last 'just us' hurrah.  We'll get up at 4 A.M. to get ready and drive ourselves to the hospital and let little Rory come out.   We didn't have a lot of plans for this final evening, but one thing we couldn't have predicted was that the AC unit that we just fixed was going to go out again! 

  I wanted to burn the whole thing down, but then it would only get hotter inside, so that would be pointless.  Kim was horribly frustrated too and not able to breathe in the humidity very well.  Poor little Bella was panting as well.

  "I knew something bad was going to happen," Kim's mom says rubbing her ear.
  "What?" Kim asks.
  "My ear was ringing, and I said to myself, Ohhh don't ring.  I know that means something is going to happen.  It's like clockwork.  My ear rings and then something bad happens."
  "Okay, you really need to stop watching Long Island Medium."

  I called my air guy Troy, but he was saying that if he had to come today it could cost anywhere from 300- 700 dollars depending on the issue.  I guess that's the price you have to pay when you ask someone to work on the Sabbath.  There was no way we could afford that.  So Kim's mom and I ran to Wal-Mart and bought a super expensive fan that basically simulates a hurricane and this seemed to help Kim a lot. ( Her beautiful hair was flying all over the place at any rate.)  It at least made the air she was breathing better and the heat somewhat bearable. 

  (Also off subject, it seems tons of people's air units are blowing out.  I wonder if there is something going on around here?)

  I ranted on Facebook about how annoying it was, and lots of friends showed their sympathy.  Thank you! 

 We thought about going to a hotel but Kim didn't want to leave Bella, and she really wanted to sleep in her own bed.  We decided to make the best of the (horrid)  situation.  We took pictures of Kim, her belly, and myself because we hadn't done so yet.  (Yes, I had to put hot clothes back on so I didn't look like a sweat drenched beach bum.)  And we smiled and pretended we weren't dying of dehydration.  (Especially because Kim's not allowed to drink water after midnight.)

  At one point two of our fine friends (J.B. and Trooper) called and asked if we needed any fans or a place to sleep.  I relayed Kim's plan to tough it out, so they took it upon themselves to seek out a stand-alone air conditioning unit and brought it over to surprise us.  We chatted with them for a bit and they prayed for us and Rory.  (and as we speak our bedroom is as cool as a cucumber.) 

  I still can't believe how blessed we are to have such amazing friends.  Rory is a very lucky boy to be born into a circle of people that are going to love him, pray for him, and just be there for him when he needs it. 

Thank you to all our friends that have been there for us and are living life with us!  We love you all! 

The air going out wasn't the way I would have foreseen the day before Rory's birth going, but then again it was a pretty good day after all.

  Here's some of our pictures:

Saturday, August 10, 2013

Natural Gas at its finest: Is it a little smelly in here?

  The entry you are searching for has been removed by an angry pregnant wife.  I'm sorry.  Try again later... or not. 

Comic by Bitstrips

Friday, August 9, 2013

The Light at the End of the Tunnel

  Well it's settled.  Rory will be here on Monday at 7:30 A.M.  (his actual due date)    I'm still waiting for the surreal feelings to shatter.  I'm sure that will happen once the doctor pulls Rory out and hands him to us.  Until then, we just wait the impossibly long three days.

  Today we used some of that pent up anxiety to get things ready for school to start, since I'll be missing the first two days of teacher plan ( and Kim will be missing so much more).  I'm happy to say that both of our rooms are decorated and ready for the kiddos. (Please note, we have gone in multiple times over our summer "do we ever really get a" vacation.) There are only a few organizational things left to deal with.  ie, lesson planning, team planning, goals and objectives,  grade leveling, and my classroom library. 

  "I didn't know you teachers did so much," my mother-in- law says.  (She was voulentold by my lovely wife to help.)
  "No one ever does," I say, getting up onto my soapbox.
  "Oh my gosh!" Kim says frantically.  You can see by her expression that she just realized something.
  "What is it?" I ask. 
  "How am I going to have a team meeting with our whole grade level.  (In case you aren't aware, both Kim and I will be teaching 1st grade this year, and oh yeah, she's also the team leader.)
  "Umm, you're not," I say.
  "Maybe you guys can Skype me into your meeting?" she says, her eyes bulging.
  "Oh yes!  Great idea!  I can see it now.  You'll be talking and asking questions, and there baby Rory will be just sucking away."
  Her face turns sour, and then contemplative, then realistic.  "Maybe not a good idea."
  "Wow, who'd have known.  You seriously have a problem.  How about you just relax and take care of the baby.  I can handle filling in for you while you are taking care of our newborn."
  "Okay, I suppose so.... oh... but I won't be here for open house.  I'm really going to try to be there so I can meet my kids."
  "Sweetie, you're going to be sore, and you will have just left the hospital on Wednesday."
  "I guess I'll see how I feel.  I bet I can do it."
  I roll my eyes, "Okay honey, we will play it by ear."
  "I'm not going to spread my chairs out yet, because the custodians still have to vacuum.  Do you think you can put my chairs out?  I will want some under each desk, and under those tables.  Definitely put them under the kidney shaped table..."
  "Kim, I've been a teacher for 7 years.  I think I know where chairs go."
  Talk about a Type A, control freak, if you've ever seen one.  She has a good heart though, that's why I love her!  I can deal with her craziness because she's amazing in so many other ways and I can't wait to see it flow through her into Rory as we teach him to love and care for others.  Continue to keep us in your prayers.  Thank you so much  to everyone who has been supportive and kind.  We truly appreciate it!

Comic by Bitstrips

Wednesday, August 7, 2013

In God's Hands

  Remember that time when your plans came crashing to the ground and you had to rely on the path He put you on?  Oh yeah, that just happened today. 

  Our doctor's appointment today was filled with good and bad, and happy and sad.  It started with concern and uncertainty.  Rory was extremely inactive this morning and that in itself was freaky since this kid never stops moving.  It's been said that babies slow down towards the end, so we just assumed that was the case, but we were definitely going to talk to the doctor about it.

  After the doctor's initial internal exam, she looked concerned, which of course set us at unease.  There were some things that weren't normal about the situation, the most prevalent being that Rory isn't dropping. (Which was contrary to what we assumed.)  Most babies are supposed to be starting to drop at week 36, but Rory is nowhere near position in the pelvis, and we are practically into week 40.  Coupled with the fact Rory wasn't moving much this morning, the doctor scheduled another ultrasound and a heart rate/contraction monitor screening. 

  The good news is that Rory treated the heart rate monitor like it was an enemy and kicked it about 3 million times.  The ultrasound also showed positive results and showed us that our little (or should I say 8 pound) monkey was doing just fine.

  That left only the fact that our little guy is just "floating" and not dropping.  The doctors at the practice have never once been pushy or so much as offered a C-Section, (I say this because it seems a lot of people today are under the assumption that doctors only want to cut your baby out now) but she gave us the choice of :

A.  Let the pregnancy play out, and hope that he drops before his water breaks, (although he should have already started dropping even slightly.) because that could cause even more high risk complications including the cord coming out first, and would most likely end in an emergency C-Section.


B.  Schedule a planned C-Section.

  Kim who has always been hardcore, all natural, granola eating, tree hugging, crazy momma, and I decided that it may be in the best interest to go with the C-Section.  We've been relying on God this whole pregnancy, and just Monday, the whole day was about crazy annoying things happening, but they pointed to a silver lining in the midst of the storm.  Maybe the reason we got slaughtered by emotionally draining problems that all turned out to help us figure something out, was prepping us for this.   Oddly enough, Kim has also been having dreams this past week that she was going to have to have a C-Section.  I know it's not what we planned, and I know there could be complications in each situation whether we were to choose A or B.  The endgame is the same, we have to trust God and we have to follow the signs he gives us.

  It reminds me of a skit we used to do at camp when I was a counselor.  There is a man who climbs onto his roof during a flood.  He prays to God for help, but when a man in a canoe passes and offers help, he says:  "No thanks.  I'm waiting for God to help me."  And then when a man in a helicopter passes over head and tries to rescue him, he says:  "No.  I'm waiting for God."  The poor man never realized that God was sending others to help him.

The whole day threw me out of whack, (again) but in the end I have to think about the safety of my wife and child.    Whatever our plans were, and as much as a C-section doesn't fit in with our birth plan, it's the safest thing with the information we have. 

I don't want Kim to have to go through hours of labor, with no chance of her son ever dropping down, and then have to have an emergency C-section anyway.  This evening as we were calling our family to tell them what was going on and Kim's aunt told us that 22 years ago, the same exact thing happened to her.  She went through labor, with a floating baby, that never came down.  Even though she pushed through hours of labor, and broke all of the capillaries in her face, it was for naught and she had to have a C-Section anyway. 

  It's scary, but like I said earlier, I think it's the safest thing for my family, and I know God has his hand in it.  Please pray for us.  We appreciate the support.

Comic by Bitstrips

Tuesday, August 6, 2013

That's So Yesterday...


 It was horrific!

  "Well it wasn't that horrible!" My mother-in law- says.
  It was horrible then!

  "It's been worse," my wife reminds me.

  It was definitely one annoying thing after another!  You must really believe that.

9:00 A.M. 

 "Yay!  I'm so excited for the next episode of WHODUNNIT!" I yell.
 "Yep!  It's our Monday morning ritual," Kim tells her mother.
 "Mmm-hmmm." Her mother says clipping coupons.
 "Oh no!  What's wrong with the playstation?  Why isn't it working?"
 "I don't know," Kim says playing on her Ipad."
 "Mmm-hmmm." Kim's mother says clipping coupons.
 "It's so slow!  Jeez!  We can't watch it!  I'm dying to know what happened next."
  "It's not a big deal," Kim says.
  "Mmm-hmmm," says Kim's mother clipping coupons.

1:00 P.M.

  Ding Dong.
  Bella the trained attack dog goes tearing for the door.  I have to shove her into the laundry room to keep her from going insane on the Septic guys. 
  "Hey!" they say.  "Do you know where your septic tank is? 
 "Uh no,  I looked at our blue print, but it's not on there." I say.
  "Okay," they say and proceed to go around the yard with a metal rod and poke into the ground in hopes to find the septic tank.
   After a little digging and following pipes they found the lids to our septic tank and pried them open. 
   "OHHH!" I almost gagged as the interestingly unappetizing build up of poop bobbed on the top of the tank, smiling at us.  (Apparently the previous owners had never pumped the septic before.)
   "Well, we'll be inside," I say to the men. 
   "GAAA!" I shuddered as I headed back into the house.
  "What's wrong?" Kim asks while playing on her Ipad.
  "It's so nasty.  I saw your poop out there!" I tell her.
  "It's not just my poop!  It's everyone that has ever lived here and has ever visited us."
  Suddenly visions of everyone's faces who has ever visited played through my mind.  (Unfortunately I associated all of your faces with that big vat of poo.  I'm very sorry.  I apologize.)
  3:00 P.M.

  The moment I said goodbye and handed 200 some dollars to the men, I turned to go inside and spotted a carpenter ant on the side of the garage! 
   "Now how did you get here?" I said taking my flip flop off to kill the little bugger.
  As my eyes scanned higher, I saw what appeared to be thousands ("It was probably only hundreds," my mother-in-law says.)  of carpenter ants swarming on the side of the garage, going into the tiniest of holes on our hardy plank siding.
  I suddenly hyperventilate, run into the garage, grab my big ole jug of carpenter ant poison and go to town on the side of the wall and all around the exterior.  I can hear the carpenter ants screaming in pain as they shout "Abandon ship!" and dislodge themselves from the wall.  (I joke about it now, but I was hating life at the moment.)
    Suddenly the ants, beeline for the front door.
  "No!  You are supposed to be heading for the grass!" I scream.  (This is all an inner monologue, by the way.)
  I spray the front door with poison like it's trying to win a wet t-shirt contest and the ants suddenly start moving less and less. 
  I went inside, to try to relax, though I continued to scan every speck of black I could see within the house thinking the ants would go marching two by two, hurrah, hurrah.
  My mother-in-law went to check on them a half hour later and she said the coast was clear.  (I continued to check the rest of the night.)

  5:30 P.M. 

   My wife and her mother went to Wal-Mart, to try and walk Rory right out of her, and pick up a few supplies, but mostly to walk Rory right out of her.  The storms started roaring and the wind was howling.  The rain came down, the thunder was roaring and Bella...  sweet little Bella, was trying to climb her big butt into my lap. 
  "Just lay down, Bella.  It's just thunder."
 Eventually I logged my computer off, and lay down on the bed with the crazy dog to read so she could lay next to her Papa.  (It's funny, every time we have a storm, she comes running to me.  I think ever since she was just a pup, she knew I was the one who protected her.  She will literally climb on my lap during a bad storm. ) 

  6:00 P.M.

  My wife came home to trade the car for the dog and I headed to church for a meeting.  The storm continued to blow and howl but I managed to grab some McDonalds on my way to church.  

7:30 P.M.

  Ring.  Ring.  "Hot Wife" shows up on my screen.  She knows I'm at church.  Is this it?  Is the baby coming?  I answer the phone and slip into the hallway. 
  "I'm not in labor!" she says.
  "Well, why are you calling then?"
  "The storm knocked our Air Conditioning out.  I can't handle this," she cries, "I don't know what to do." 
  "If you call them now, they are going to charge you over time," I can hear Kim's mom saying.
  "I'm 39 weeks pregnant!  I'm going to die!" Kim rebuts.
  "Okay, I'll figure it out."
  8:00 P.M. 

 A guy at the meeting calls a friend he knows who works for an AC company, and I head home into the storm.

  8:30 P.M.

  "Hello," I say.
  "Hi this is Troy..."  the guy introduced himself and walked me through what he thinks might be wrong.  "I really want to save you some money.  If I have to come over after 7:30, it's going to cost you time and a half."
  "Yeah, I know it's going to be expensive man, and if it were just me, I'd wait and call you back in the morning, but my wife is super pregnant.  She could go any day and I can't have her try to sleep in the heat.  It's already 80 degrees in here, and it's in the middle of a storm."
  "Ohh," Troy says, "I get ya, my wife is super pregnant too!  That's all you had to say.  I'm near the Walgreens now, how can I get to your house?"

  8:35 P.M.

  Troy walks up and I invite him in to check out the system.  He says hello to everyone and finds the problem fairly quickly.  We walk out side and he puts on his headlamp. 
   "I know it's silly, but it works awesome."
  "I actually have one of those too, man!  My wife thinks I'm crazy, but how else are you going to start a campfire in the dark."
  He cleans out some stuff, fixes it up, and is done within 15 minutes. 
  "How much do I owe you?" I ask when he is finished. 

Ponderings the next day:

  It was a crazy day, and totally  not fun, because it seems that everything went wrong, all day long, but I learned some very important things.

I was able to watch WHODUNNIT, on the Wii instead of the PlayStation, and well TV is not that big of a deal. 

The cute little palm tree in our front yard is way too close to our septic system and in a few years the roots will completely demolish the septic tank, which will cost me thousands of dollars of damage if I don't get the tree taken down.

The carpenter ants just suck, I can't find any silver lining in that, except that I don't see any of them today.

My dog loves me, even when she's being annoying.

McDonalds is okay, every once in a while.

Troy from the AC company said this to me last night:

 "I'm just going to charge you the normal price.  I don't see a need to charge you over time since it was fairly easy and I wasn't here for very long."

It's pretty amazing that even when bad things happen, you definitely learn something from it.  You can find help from others when you ask for it, and you can find the goodness in other people even when you are least expecting it.  That's something, if you ask me.

Comic by Bitstrips


Sunday, August 4, 2013

Puddle of Paw Prints

   It all began with cleaning up a few hundred piles of palm tree debris and it ended with a pregnant woman falling through a chair.  Let me catch you up.

  Yesterday our men's group did a service project at a facility that takes care of foster children.  It's such an amazing ministry and the people that work there have such huge hearts. The facility needed a little help with some palm tree debris. (Who knew these things were so messy?)

  Later in the day, we were invited to have dinner with our friends the Vonn-Trapp Davidsons.  (They are our friends with the little girls.  Teeny -Age 3 and Tiny- Age 1.   They invited us over for pulled pork, grilled zucchini, and many other amazing things.  A whole bunch of church family was there and we played cards, laughed, and prayed Rory would be born that night.  (After all, yesterday was my day in the betting pool and apparently if you are reading this now.  I lost.)

  The next day, our church headed back to the Foster Family Facility to have a barbeque with the kids and the families living there.  We had a bounce house, some music, some great food, and a lot of fun.  There were two amazing details that are worth mentioning here. 

  During the music portion of the afternoon, Teeny VT-Davidsion came over to me and the other guitar player and was walking through the puddles, because lets face it, even to adults they are extremely interesting.  Then again, all of Florida is a puddle, so we adults may be desensitized.
  "What are you doing, Teeny?" I asked.
  "That's cool.  Do you want to sing with us?"
  Teeny gasped in surprise, her little blue eyes bulging.  "Look!  Look!  I can see my paw prints!"
  "Your what?" I asked, not sure I quite understood her.
  "My paw prints!" she smiled.
  "Oh yeah!  We can see your foot prints!" 

  I have to admit, that was probably the most adorable thing I'd heard all day.  However, it wasn't the funniest.  That would have to be the moment I saw my pregnant wife break the lawn chair.  She just slipped right through it.  (It was only funny because it was a slow slip.  She never came crashing to the floor or anything.  Part of the chair just gave way and she slowly slid her way to the ground.  Trust me I'm the epitome of worry when it comes to her welfare.)  The people around her stared at her dumbfounded like they knew something was off but they couldn't put their finger on it, except for one courageous warrior who came rushing around a picnic table to pull her up.

  Besides my wife dropping slowly to the ground we think that Rory has also dropped.  It literally could be any day now.  We are so excited.  So excited indeed that I almost forgot the whole point of this entry.

 The point:  I love my family.  Not just my biological ones either.  I love the people God has put in my life.  Being around the kids at the facility was bittersweet, because they have so many different stories we'd never even be able to keep them straight if we tried.  At one point I saw a little girl's eyes deeply following Tiny sitting on her dad's lap.  You could see she yearned for that.  God has put all those children there for now with people that can try to show them His love.  And I pray when the kids move on to another place it sticks with them, the way I want to show Rory, God's love.  The way God's big family have shown me His love in my life.  The way we have to keep showing other people God's love.

Comic by Bitstrips


Saturday, August 3, 2013

Who Knew: Semi-Famous Rory's in 2013

  Everyone seems to have a good idea about what we should have named the baby and I have to say I love how excited everyone is about our little guy coming into the world.  It's such a fantastic time. 

  My mom had tried really hard to push for a middle name that resembled her own, and she would make little noises and "Oh that's interesting" when she heard our list of options.  My pastor still tries to tell me that God has been speaking to him and telling him the name Timothy is the best bet, but then our boy would probably get in trouble all the time and we'd have to hire a dog named Lassie to help him out of the well. 
  When we were trying to think about baby names, we definitely wanted something that meant red.  I love the color red and well my wife is a little bit red.  (When we saw the name Rory we fell in love with it.  I've actually always liked the name.)  It translates a little different in certain cultures but the meaning we are going with is Red King or King of Fire.  He will probably get an ego or be a serious pyromaniac, but it's okay, because we love it and we have insurance.

So once we had definitely decided to name our son Rory and started telling people, of course a bunch of other Rory's started coming out of the woodwork.  We really had no clue there was anyone still living named Rory.   I can't believe the nerve.  But still, Rory isn't as common as say John, Joe, Jim Bob (apparently around here.), or Colton.  When I was growing up there were about 51 Joshua's in my school alone.  So I knew I wanted something unique for my little spitfire.  And unless we move to Ireland, I think it's a pretty obscure but amazing name. 

  And now for your viewing pleasure: The Semi-Famous Rory Collection in 2013


Rory Macdonald - The UFC FIGHTER

Rory Mcilroy - The PRO-GOLFER

Rory Culkin - The ACTOR
Rory The Last Centurion- Fictional Character on Dr. Who
Little Rory - Coming Soon

Comic by Bitstrips


Thursday, August 1, 2013

This Just In! Nagging is a Sign of Pre-Labor.

I have to tell you that there are so many things I love about this pregnancy.  One of them is getting little surprises at the front door when we least expect it.  


 One thing I am not a fan of is everyone always saying, "Just be patient.  Enjoy each other."  I sincerely do appreciate the sentiment, but I feel like we've waited 9 months and am more than ready now!  As for enjoying each other I definitely do.  Kim and I work together, we spend almost all of our time together, and we are constantly laughing.  (Mostly at each other.)

  Just yesterday we had eaten at the hibachi grill in Port St. Lucie and were just walking out of the dining room.  (Well, I was walking.  Kim was waddling.)  Apparently, I am not used to walking behind the pregnant version of Kim, and while she was impersonating a penguin I put my best foot forward a little bit faster than she did and somehow her foot went inside my flip flop and she teetered forward about to face plant.  Luckily, I was able to catch her before she went ka-splat on the ground. 

  "Josh!  What are you doing?  Learn how to walk!"
  "I know how to walk.  I don't know what you were doing.  Your leg lifted so high I thought you were doing a Russian Kozachok dance move."
  Kim laughs, "I'm pregnant.  You have to be more careful."
  "All right then, but lets be real.  You were trying to wear my shoes."

  And then there are other times, when we are not appreciating each other.  They are called:  The pregnant lady is always right times.  (The above event may or may not be included in this category.)

 "Josh you are going to run into that curb!"
  "What?  I know how to drive."

  "Josh you didn't put the collander away in the right spot."
  "Umm, I know where it goes.  I didn't put it there.  Maybe you did."
  "Nope.  It was you."

  "Josh can you please put the batteries in the baby mobile!"
  "No problem.  I have to finish this first."
  "Can you do it now?"

   "Josh, you put batteries in the mobile and got it working and didn't tell me so I could play with it?"
  "You were in the shower."

 And my personal favorite...

  "Josh... watch out for that car!" Kim screams in the grocery store parking lot.
  "What's wrong Kim?" I say overdramatically.
  "You aren't watching where you're going!  You are going to hit that car pulling out."
  "Umm, Josh has been stopped," says Kim's mom.

   But you know it's okay.  I know my wife is doing the hard work right now carrying our child.  And all of her craziness will pass in time.  Plus, I can't stay mad at her.  She can make me smile with a look or a crazy statement.  (Which she makes constantly.)  I think the nagging is an unknown symptom of labor.  I hope that means Rory is almost here!  Can't wait to see that little guy.  And if her symptoms do reoccur after the baby at least Kim will have another person to tell what to do.

Comic by Bitstrips