Tuesday, July 30, 2013

Grammy's Coming to Cook!!!!

  Picture it:  The nursery; 2013; yesterday. 

  I'm bouncing on Kim's birthing ball while Bella playfully tries to tug her ring from my grasp.  Kim is rocking in the glider talking to her mother on the phone.  (Who let me remind you is coming the next day.)

  "So how was Grandma's 90th birthday party?" Kim asks.
  "It was so great.  So what happened was, Grandma was loving all the attention.  She loved your text message.  She actually got all choked up, if you can believe that." 
  "Grandma got teary?" Kim asks shocked.
  "Oh yes!  She loved your present too.  As soon as she started opening it, she exclaimed , "THESE ARE MY FAVORITE THINGS!"
  "Good," Kim said, "That was the point."
  (Kim and I bought all types of peppermint patties, candies, and other things that Grandma always loves.  I wish I could have hired Julie Andrews to sing for her too.)

  I roll the wrong way and am suddenly on my back, the birthing ball shooting away.  Bella rushes her cold black nose to my face to make sure I'm okay, then flops down beside me.

  "Oh yeah," Kim's mom says, "I've been thinking about a whole bunch of meals that Josh might like to eat.  Do you think he will like a sweet and sour Kielbasa?"
  "Oh he'll love that!  He loves sausage!  That and cheese.  He's not always a fan of red meat but he does like Filet Mignon."
  "Yup!  I'm making that too.  Does he like mushrooms?"
  "Umm, not as much as other things..." Kim was saying her voice slowing down.
  "Oh because I'm going to make Chicken Marsala and it has mushrooms on it."
  "Well... what are you making for me?  Are you just cooking for him?!? I'm the pregnant one here!"  (A pregnant vegetarian.)
  "I'm going to make you sweet and sour vegetables."  Kim's mom says.
  "Well you could have said that earlier.  I'm your daughter and I'm the pregnant one."
  "But perhaps little Rory wants to try some Kielbasa!  I think you should try it so you don't deprive your son."

  After Kim hangs up she rants to me.
  "Why is she making all this stuff for you?  I'm the pregnant one!   I don't get it! I am so mad!"
  "Two things sweetie.  I married you, and I knocked you up.  Why wouldn't she love me?"

Comic by Bitsrips


Sunday, July 28, 2013

Tik Tok

  In just two days my wife's mom will be here in Florida with us.  She's going to help Kim and I with breaking a baby into the world.  It's so crazy too, because the "reality clock" is ticking and although we know it feels very real... it's going to seem a whole lot realer when suddenly there is a baby popping out into our hands. 

  A couple months ago, we were driving down the highway from a doctors appointment when Kim and her mom were planning her trip via Bluetooth in the car.

   "So, I'm booking this flight from July 30th to September 7th right?" Kim's mom says in her New York accent.
  "Yes, that should be good.  That will give us plenty of time even if he comes late, which he won't, because I already talked with him and we decided that he's going to come one week early."
  Kim's mom laughs, "but he can't come too early.  I need to be there for this!  I missed his ultrasound and I'm not missing this!"
  "Yes.  I already told him to wait for his Grammy.  Any time after that, we're all good."
  "Right, right.  Exactly!  Exactly!"
  "Soo...." (the conversation veers off from materials for jelly fish hangings to grandma's birthday party to what Kim ate for lunch and then back to Rory and the trip)
   "Okay so I'm going to book the flight after we hang up.  There's two choices.  I can  fly out at 9 am or I can fly out at 3 pm.  What do you guys want to do?"
  Kim turns her head to stare at me quizzically.
  "Doesn't matter to me.  Early one is fine, or the late one."  (I'm so decisive.)
  "Yeah, it really doesn't matter," Kim says, "I'm thinking the late one because that way we can stop in Orlando some where and have a nice lunch and just relax before you leave."
  "Exactly!  That's what I was thinking because having to get up and get the baby ready to go and all that entails.  I thought the later one would be easier."
  Kim looks at me again and our faces match as we get slapped with the hard cold reality that there WILL be a baby when her mom leaves.  Our whole life is going to change.  WHAT IS GOING ON?
  We bust out laughing and her mom is utterly confused.  It takes a second for us to explain we had totally forgotten about Rory and with that knowledge it does make sense to take the later flight.

 And here we are with only days before Kim's mom joins us.  Rory will be right on her heels too, I'm sure of it.  We've waited so long for this and we are as excited as we can possibly be, but we kind of want to know when.  Can't you just schedule these things?  I guess not.  We will just be waiting.  Kim tells me that she wants to try jumping up and down, but I told her no.  I told her she can eat spicy food, have sex, or have sex.  She just rolls her eyes.  I think she's going to disengage one.

Comic By Bitstrips


Friday, July 26, 2013

Grocery Shopping has never been more interesting.

  Usually you have to drag me to the grocery store.  I hate it with a passion.  First of all, I never know what I want to eat.  My wife is usually the exact same way.  Being pregnant has made her a much friendlier friend to food.  She has been having such great ideas for meals.  (This week we are having Fondue for Two, Black Bean/ Turkey Burgers, Macaroni salad, and more.)  So we sat down and created a food list and headed off to Wal-Mart. 

  The first good omen we found was that we actually were able to park near the front door.  I couldn't believe we didn't have to park a mile away from the entrance.  It was fantastic, until we walked inside and grabbed a cart.  (A carriage, if you are my wife... so weird.)  The cart had a bum wheel and basically any time I turned directions with the cart, the whole thing dipped and suddenly there were three wheels in the air.  It was actually kind of fun until I was reprimanded by my wife for being too silly. 

  "I'm not doing it.  This is all Wal-Mart!" I say.
  "Okay, well lets focus please.  All right, so we need some bread for grilled cheese."
  "We have some at home," I say.
  "No, I ate all that," she says grabbing a loaf of bread. 
  "Well that's nice."

  "Grab some ice cream," Kim says.
  "Pretty sure we have some."
  "Nope.  I ate all of that too."
  I bust out laughing, "Wow, I sense a theme here.  Is there anything at home?"

  "I need some cookies," Kim says.
  "That's not on the list," I say, considering we spent so much time sitting there coming up with a list.
  "The list is for stuff in my head at the time.  Now we're here and I decided I need that."
  "Dear lord..."


  "I'm going to go find some muffins or something for my second breakfast," Kim says.
  "All right, I'll wait here and see if the one person working the deli will be able to get through the seven people in front of me before you come back."
  Moments later my phone is ringing...  I see the redheaded picture of my wife on the screen.
  "Are you kidding me?" I laugh.
  "Do you like apple fritters, sprinkly donuts, Bavarian cream donuts, or a mix of all of that?"
  "You're seriously calling me to ask me what YOU want for your second breakfast?"
  "Well you didn't come with me and I can't decide.  You should be happy I'm giving you a choice."
  "I'll be right there baby."

  I actually didn't mind the grocery store this time.  I spent more of our time there laughing.  I have to say with 100 percent certainty, that my wife is legitimately hilarious.  (When she's not trying.)  I love her so much!  Next time she wants to go to the store, I'll be there with bells.

Comic By Bitstrips

Tuesday, July 23, 2013

We have a disease!

   My wife and I may have a disease.  It's pretty serious and I would be lying if I didn't tell you I was a little worried about it.  We are Frenzy-Nicknamers.  We just can't stop doing it.  Our poor dog Bella has about 31 different names.  (Yes, she does answer to them all... and or, she comes when she hears a B sound.) 

  She goes by Bella, Belly, Belluga, Bellarina, Bellanor Rigby, Rocky Bellboa, Franklin Bellano, Boo Diggs, Belluu, Louie, Belly and the Jets, Bellisimo, Bellatrix, Bellajandra, Diggers, Pooper, Spartapup, Belladict Arnold, and probably a couple more that I can't think of now.  Like I said, I think it's a disease.  We even sings songs about her dogginess.  (Oh... and we dress her up... it's truly a sickness.)

Bell is feeling just ducky here.

Little Bellarina

Have you ever seen a winged dog?


Bellanor Rigby

  So as you can see we have a major problem.  I really don't think this disease has run it's course and will end anytime soon.  I'm afraid that my wife is too wacky, and I am too crazy.  I don't want our son Rory to be utterly confused about what his actual name is.  He hasn't even been evicted from the womb yet, and he has all kinds of names.  Mr. Rory, Riproar, Rorster, Little Rory Roo... and I'm sure he'll get even more... heaven help us.

 This may seem silly, but this has happened before to our friend Super Science Guy.  His parents named him Aaron Jackson (names have been changed to protect the innocent- and or I didn't ask him if I could use his name.), and then evermore called him by his first and middle initials.  On his first day of Kindergarten, his teacher called him by his christened name.  After arriving home and being asked by his parents how his day was, he responded, "It was okay, but I sat in someone else's chair all day, and everyone thought I was some kid named Aaron.

  Lucky for Aaron Jack, he is as strong as an African elephant wrestling a tiger and wasn't very crushed by the event.  I however, wasn't as lucky.  When I was 11 my parents took me out to eat at the local Perkins, one of my favorite places, where they had the best pancakes ever!

  "Hi, what can I get for you?" the perky Perkins waitress asks.
  "I'd like the chocolate chip pan-a-cakes."
  Her grin widens, "The what?"
  "Pan-a-cakes please."
  She looks to my parents with a giant smile.  "Sure."
  "What is so funny?" I ask after she leaves.
  "Okay," my dad laughs, "I guess we should tell him."
  "Ever since you were little, you never could say pancakes.  And, well we just never corrected you because it was so cute," my mom says.
  "WHAT?!?!  You let me say it wrong all these years!!!!" I hyperventilate. (Because lets face it  I was always a dramatic kid.  I can't watch the home video of me receiving the movie Hook without being completely embarrassed.)

  I'm not sure I ever got over that,  (I probably did.) and I don't ever want RipRor to feel that way.   I just hope he knows what kind of family he is coming into.  Meh, I'm sure he'll be a little weirdo too!

Comic By Bitstrips



Sunday, July 21, 2013

Creepy, yet fun! And... a challenge.

  With the thunderstorms rolling through Florida today, I can't help but feel unsettled.  Loud cracks of thunder, palm fronds blowing all over the place, Bella trying to find a way to crawl into my lap every ten minutes.  It's more than a little crazy.  I'm sure there is a tropical storm brewing somewhere but I haven't checked the weather to be sure. 

  Needless to say, it's been a lazy yet productive day.  We went to church, played in the worship band, we watched Queen Latifah in Last Holiday,  (Pretty much one of Kim and my favorite movies.)  we printed out all of our school centers for the month of September, pushed Bella off my lap about ten times, and then I putzed around on the internet while Kim took a preg-nap.

  As I was messing around online, I found this website that morphs famous peoples faces together and then lets you see what they would look like.  (I know, I could have done a hundred more productive things but it's a lazy day, like I said earlier.) 


So I morphed a few people and then saw that you could upload your own pictures.  So, you can't blame me for uploading a picture of Kim and I together.  I pushed the morph button out of curiosity and WHAM!  The pictures were melded together almost seamlessly, but what appeared was a scary hermaphroditic looking thing, half male and half female.  Very creepy!  I fear a little bit now for my son. 

  BUT THEN, I saw a button that said "See what their baby would look like?"   I had to push it.  Even though the whole thing was a little bit creepy and a little bit strange, it's the typical Pandora's box.  How could I not see what this random website could meld together from our random pictures?  I had too.

  So silly.  So weird.  So random.  I wondered if I put two other people together if the baby base would be the same or not, so I meshed Scarlett Johansson and that Werewolf from Twilight, and their baby was totally different and a little blonde thing. 

Anyway, just thought I'd share this ridiculous and oddly entertaining way to pass time on a rainy Sunday. 

And here's your challenge.  I've morphed two famous faces.  Can you distinguish one from the other?  Be the first to name them both and you win a delicious cupcake.

Clue:  One's a guy and one's a girl, but they share something very important that they use daily.  They've also both been on the silver screen.

Comic by Bitstrips

Saturday, July 20, 2013

Baby World- Korean edition

  Tonight Kim, her big belly full of Rory and I went out to eat with our friends and their twin boys, who are now 15 months old.  We met at the Korean restaurant which has the best bibimbap (rice and veggies in a stone bowl) you have ever tried in your life.  You can get it with steak, chicken, or tofu.  It's so amazing!

  Ironically, one of the last times we were going to get together to eat there, Laney went into labor and had her twins.  She was heartbroken that she couldn't down a big bowl of goodness before that happened, I'm sure of it.  But I'm also sure she was equally happy with her boys instead.  Tonight however, we were in for such a surprise.  Our favorite waitress (who we hadn't seen in probably a year), who we will refer to as Joy, because there is no other name that could represent her better, greeted us like we were royalty.  With one look at Kim's vibrant red hair, she remembered everything about us, what we liked to order, what we wanted to drink, and delivered it all with the best smile and conversation you could have.  When she spotted Kim's belly I thought she was going to do a backflip right there.  She was so excited.  (We seem to get that reaction a lot these days.)

  Joy danced around with the twins, fondled Kim's belly, stirred Ken's rice, and cracked us up the entire time with her amazing personality and fun accent. 
  "Engleesh is my second language you know," she smiles.
  "You are awesome!"  we all agree heartily.
  "Why, thank you!" Joy blushes and curtsies.
  "So what you goin to name baby?" Joy asks.
  "Rory," I say.
  Her eyes get large, "ROY-Y"
  "Close," I say, "ROAR-EE"
 "ROY-REE" Joy tries again.  "ROY-REE"
  "So close," Kim supports smiling at me.
  "In Korean alphabet, we not have all letters as the English alphabets.  The one we really don't have is the R."
   "Yes, my step mother is from Korea and it took her lots of practice to say his name."
   "I bet!" Joy laughs.  "What's the last name?"
   We tell her my long complicated last name and then she walks away without even trying to say it.    "Good luck!"

  Meanwhile, the twins are actual people now.  They laugh, they play, they eat real food that hasn't been puréed.  They drum with chopsticks, they run away from Joy who is dancing Gangnam style and chasing them like Godzilla preparing to devour their total cuteness.  It's quite the amazing night.  It's so nice to get together with good friends, fantastic waitresses, and delicious food.  Oh, and babies.

  We are growing ever close to Rory's arrival.  He is just days away from being full term.  We are so happy to feel him moving and rippling throughout Kim.  It's truly a miracle and ultimately crazy how very soon we will be fully emerged into baby world.  It seems that every where I look, a friend is pregnant or just had a child.  The Baby express is heading into the station.  Almost there.  Soon we'll have arrived. 

Comic by Bitstrips


Friday, July 19, 2013

Hip Attack!!!!!

 I can't even describe in words what happened to me yesterday when my lovely wife came home from her training in West Palm and had a Hip Attack.  I will do my best. 

  We were sitting together on the couch and I was listening as my wife was telling me all about her training, and the annoying chairs (that she opted out of sitting in and found a squishy chair instead), and the other giantess of a lady who did the same thing, and who she ate lunch with, and how many vegetables she consumed on average.  I tell you it is always fun to hear how many vegetable wraps she's eaten, but this is love my dear children, this is love.  The positive is that she liked her trainers and she'll have some fun information to bring back to the first grade team.

  So, again we were sitting on the couch, when in the midst of her conversation she shouts;

  "I can't get up!"
  "What are you talking about?"
  "My leg.  I can't move it!"  she cries, while trying to wiggle her leg out from underneath her.
  (My wife has a habit of tucking one leg underneath herself when she sits down.  I've told her many times not to do it because it kills circulation.  I assumed this is what this was.  I was wrong.)
  "Uhh, do you want me to pull on your leg?" I ask.
  "Yes!  It hurts!" she moans and hollers as she is closing her eyes to try to push out the pain. 
  I tug her leg out from underneath her while she cries out in pain.
  "I told you not to sit on your leg like that.  It always falls asleep."
  "It's not that!  I think the baby is sitting on my nerve or something!  My hip!"
  "I thought it was your leg."
   "My hip!"

 Now this starts to worry me.  Big surprise there.  I worry about her falling off the bed (well, I used to before we got a King size.)  I worry about her tripping.  She was never all that stable.  I worry about pretty much anything you can think of, but then I stop myself and remember that we've been teaching our kiddos at Youth Group, to worry about nothing, instead pray about everything! 

  After she sits a while with her leg stretched out, I ask if it feels better.
  "Not really, and I have to pee," she says.
  "You can't even move your leg, how are you going to get to the bathroom?"
  "You're going to help me!" she says matter of factly. 
  "Do you want me to find a cane?" I ask.
  I heft her up while she is wiggling and wobbling and weedling and whittling, and we make our way to the bathroom as she limps slowly across the living room, which is probably about 6 steps.  She does indeed have enough time to tell me a backstory about how this type of thing used to happen to her mother's hip, and I kindly shook my head and helped her along. 
  The hallway that leads to the bathroom is still littered with our old Queen sized bed that we haven't wrapped up and stored in the garage yet. 
  "We may have a problem, I don't know how we're going to both fit through the hallway with the bed taking up 3/4 of the room. 
  "Just pull me through!" she cries. 
  She eventually gets in and does her thing, and by the time she comes back out, the hip attack has mostly subsided. 
  "I think it's because I was sitting down most of the day today."
  "Let me know if you need anymore help limpy." 

I don't even know if I can describe the visceral horror and complete hilarity of the situation that was truly happening.  Maybe I can make an indie film about it.  I have to tell you, watching her limp around and act so ridiculous brings back such fond memories of the past, one of which I'll share with you today.

  On our very first outing as friends many years ago, we took a day and went to Vero Beach and observed the ocean for the first time since moving to Florida.  We were just getting to know each other and I found it curious how very adamant she was on bringing a giant beach umbrella with her.
  "It's so huge!"
  "I don't know if you noticed, but I'm a redhead and I burn."
  "Okay, that's cool.  You know how to put it up right?  It's kind of wobbling in the wind."
  "Yes!  Of course I do!"
 (Clearly she didn't, because later that day, the wind picked the umbrella up and it went tearing across the beach like a heat seeking missile headed straight for an older woman who was tanning her already tanned and leathery exterior.  If I hadn't gotten there in time to stop the umbrella, it probably would have impaled the poor lady.  Unless her skin was tough enough, I don't know.)

  At one point we were playing in the water like little kids, jumping the waves, floating in the massive natural wave pool.  The water was cool and so refreshing.  We were just about to get out, when a giant wave knocked Kim on her butt.  She struggled to get back up, but just as she did another wave took her down.  Then another wave knocked her down.  She was almost up again and then she was down.  It only occurred to me after watching her flail for like 3 minutes that I should probably help her, which I did, but I guess I kept thinking she'd be able to get up on the next one.  She tells me that I was laughing during this event, but I don't recall those details.
Comic By Bitstrips


Wednesday, July 17, 2013

Uh Oh... he found a camera!!!!

  Today my wife is 36 weeks and 2 days.  How exciting!  25 days and counting... We had an appointment at the doctor's today to see how things were coming.  Again, everything is perfect.  We are very blessed to have such an easy pregnancy up until this point.  (If a pregnancy can be easy.)

  Speaking of easy, how about taking a picture of my pregnant wife every week.  Somehow, we got distracted with life and everything and we haven't been faithful to taking a picture of her belly every week but I got the camera out yesterday to take a few pictures of 36 weeks. 

  I'm not an amazing photographer by any means, but I definitely dabble.  I like to pretend that everything in life is a photo-shoot waiting to happen.  So we got outside and I made her stand in all these different poses and what not.  She loved it!  So did Rory, because he was kicking and saying "Hey guys!  Don't forget about me."

  We have some friends that had twins last year and they had asked us to come over and take some family photos.  So you know, I had them all over doing random stuff while I clicked some like 70 shots.  Kim eventually had to remind me that they weren't looking for professional shots, just some pictures of them with the boys.  I agreed with a laugh, but I had definitely got some good shots and now plenty of them are hanging in their living room, so Kimberly, you lovely wife you, take that how you will.  Love you.  :)

  I definitely got my camera eye from my dad.  He was always taking pictures when we were younger and I remember him taking pictures through the spokes of bike tires, under rocks, different things in the peripheral focus.  It was very artistic and creative.  If he'd had the camera technology we have today back then, his pictures would be even more epic.  My mom is also very artistic in a different way.  She paints and crafts things from her imagination onto canvas or whatever medium she feels like using.  I definitely had a creative upbringing so its no wonder I like to sing, play guitar, write, draw, act, take pictures, etc...

But... one of these very creative parents once said this to me:

 A young boy is coloring pictures in his Jumbo Bible Story Coloring Book.  Pharaoh is whipping his green, blue, and red horses trying to coax them to follow the Israelites into the parted Red Sea.

 "You can't have horses colored like that.  That's not natural."
"But I like these colors," the boy says.
 "But horses can't be those colors.  Sorry."

Who was it?  Mom or Dad?

If you said.... Mom... you are wrong.  It was my Dad. 

I'm sure he was just trying to teach a life lesson but lets talk about killing a child's creativity.  It's like shooting a blue horse right in the side.  Very detrimental.  I guess it didn't really curb my creativity too much, at least not in my adult years.  It's really funny because my dad was just complimenting me the other day about something and he used the phrase, "You've come a long ways from the days you were coloring horses strange colors."

I laughed, told him he was a creativity killer and then laughed some more.  Apparently it was a monumental memory for both of us. 

(Side note:  If Rory wants to color his horses lime green and hot pink, I will be right there coloring alongside of him with a blaze orange crayon.  And if Grandpa is visiting he will be coloring his horse lilac purple.)

And now... the grand finale.  Here are some of the photos I took yesterday.  Enjoy.





Comic By Bitstrips


Tuesday, July 16, 2013

Our very first massage!

  WOW!  I feel so amazing right now.  Bella Rose Spa is incredible!  My wife and I had never gotten professional massages before, and boy were we missing out.  We will definitely be back!  First off, the people are so nice there and are totally focused on customer comfort.  They provide you with anything you could ever want.  Most importantly, firm hands and a soothing and comfortable environment. 

Technically this was Rory's first massage too, as Kim received a maternity massage.  I was told later that little Rory was wiggling all over and entertaining Kim's masseuse the entire massage.  I, on the other hand was in a relaxed-induced coma. I think I may have been drooling, but I didn't check the floor to find out.  I could barely think, let alone move.  Heaven on earth!  

  When they were done and the masseuses were leaving to let us get dressed, she thanked us for coming and I had to literally pull myself out of my stupor to get up.  They told us to take our time coming out of the room and when we finally meandered out they were waiting with glasses of water and more wonderful conversation.  They can't wait to meet little Rory and want us to stop back in once he's born to meet his very first masseuse.  They mentioned that baby massages are a great way to relax your baby before bed and all that good stuff too.  So we may research proper ways to massage your baby.

  One thing they had said was after a massage, one really needs to drink  lots of water.  I don't remember exactly why, but I almost burst out laughing because my wife already drinks like 2 gallons of water a day.  I can imagine her drinking an extra gallon today because they had mentioned to drink lots of water. 

(Apparently, drinking lots of water also makes your skin look amazing.  Beauty tip from the spa.)

  Overall, Kim loved it and so did I!  She's really been starting to feel uncomfortable lately and I think this helped really refuel our energy.  

My favorite Kim quote of the day:  "They say at this point babies are supposed to be sleeping 90% of the day, but I don't buy it!"

Kim's favorite Josh quote of the day:  "Oh my gosh!  Be careful standing up.  There's oil on my foot and I almost biffed it!"

Comic by Bitstrips

Sunday, July 14, 2013

Can I get a budget?

  After talking about creating a budget for months, I've finally decided to sit down and do it.  We bought a budgeting program a while ago and it's just sat there waiting for someone to input numbers into it.  So here we go.... (if my computer will update...)

  In other news, Kim is finally packing her hospital bag today as well.  It's pretty intense actually, knowing that this is the last time she's going to be packing an overnight bag without a child.  Every other bag she packs for the rest of her life will be post-child.  She'll have to relearn how to do everything.

This sort of reminds me of a time when I was in college and my friend Brooklyn and I both got piercings from a legit tattooed motorcyclist type guy in this little dive parlor.  I got my cartilage on top of my ear done and she did her belly button.  (I'm thankful we didn't get hepatitis as well.)  I remember afterwards, everything was different.  You had to keep it clean so you had to shower differently, and sleep differently, preferably not on the ear of distinction.  Eventually, the cartilage just didn't heal and I had to constantly rip up the crusted blood around the hole each day.  (My wife says I should take this part out, but I think it makes a poignant visual image.)  I gave up on it and just took it out.  My ear closed up almost instantly.  I can't help but wonder how this trivial ear piercing will compare to having a child and how many things I'll have to do differently, not including packing bags. 

  I'm guessing when it gets tough you can't just send the baby back.  (Not that I would.  Although my mom constantly threatened to do that with me.)  It's definitely going to be interesting and exciting and scary and amazing and it's definitely going to start with making a clear budget.

 (still updating...)

  Budgets are just smart anyway.  I read once that, you can't be trusted with very much responsibility if you can't even be trusted with managing the money you earn.  I want everything to be as easy as possible when little Rory comes.  There are far greater things to worry about than money.  In the end, it's only paper.

Friday, July 12, 2013

30 Days... The countdown begins

  The I'm Expecting App on my smartphone told me that there are exactly 30 days left until my wife's due date.  (And also Rory is the size of a honey dew.)  This is so crazy!  Don't get me wrong, I'm not daft or dumb.  I realize that my wife is pregnant.  I've watched her belly expand and felt my little superstar kicking.  We've listened to his heartbeat on our fetal heart monitor, but somehow despite all of that, it's just so surreal.  I will be rubbing stretch mark lotion on her belly and feel his little form beneath her skin and I'm in complete awe that he's there.  Is little Rory really going to be joining us soon?  Did we really create this life?  Did God really bless us with this miracle? 

  I can still remember the moment we found out.  My wife, being my wife decided that a couple weeks after our Mini-Moon she'd buy a pregnancy test, just in case.  She had bronchitis at the time and was worried that if she was pregnant, the steroids wouldn't be good for the baby. We have differing opinions on how the moment went down, but I know in my heart that mine is right.

My Vantage Point:

"Should I take it, Josh?" she asks.
"Umm, if you want," I say staring at the alarm clock.  It reads 7:30 a.m.
 "My period is not for a couple more days... maybe I should wait."
"But... maybe I should do it now.  I can take two.  I can take one now and then another one in a few days."
 "Just take it... what's it going to hurt.  Just don't be disappointed if you aren't.  We have plenty of time to try some more."
 She gets out of bed and opens the pregnancy test nervously and disappears into the bathroom.
Minutes later...
"Do you want to know? she shouts.
"I'm guessing yes, by the tone of your voice."
 "The pink plus sign came up very fast!  How could it know that fast?"
"I don't know, but yay!"
 "I'm going to take another one."
 "Let's wait till tomorrow... and yay!"
  Kim feels her belly and smiles, then her face quickly distorts and she is running for the toilet, explosive vomit spewing from her mouth into the bowl.

My Wife's Vantage Point:

"Should I take it, Josh?" I ask.
"Yes!  I know you're pregnant already though," Josh says.
 "My period is not for a couple more days... maybe I should wait."
 "No way!  Do it now!  I'm dying to know!!!"
"Okay.  I can take two if I need to.  I can take one now and then another one in a few days."
 "Exactly!  Come on!  God is totally blessing us, so I already know you are knocked up."
 I get out of bed and open the pregnancy test with confidence and disappear into the bathroom.
Minutes later...
"Do you want to know? I shout gleefully.
"I'm guessing yes!" Josh shouts.
 "The pink plus sign came up very fast!  How could it know that fast?"
"I knew it!"
 "I'm going to take another one."
 "Why?  We already knew the whole time!"
  I smile and feel my belly, then decide I'm starving for some pancakes. 
 "Let's celebrate with breakfast."

 I guess it's up to you to decide which vantage point you want to agree with, but the end game is the same.  Rory is coming in 30 days or less.  If you're interested in setting up a baby betting pool, just let me know.   It seems like we've done so much in preparation for his homecoming, but we still need to pack a hospital bag for Kim, and finish up our classrooms at school.  I know a lot of things will change, but I'm so excited for this upcoming season in life.  I know Kim is too.  We are hoping and wishing and saying and praying that we have what it takes to be amazing parents, and we know that with God in the center of our family, it's going to be amazing.  Maybe not always easy, or fun, but totally amazing!

Comic by Bitstrips

Thursday, July 11, 2013

When she needs it, she needs it!

  After a long day of working in our classrooms, preparing for next school  year/the baby being born/ Kim's mom coming for a visit/My mom moving to Florida/ Bella's 5th birthday party, we decided to just relax and watch something.  Of course, we are all caught up on our Hulu Shows and for some reason or another Kim just wasn't in the mood for Ninja Assassins.  (Which I maintain is really good and I think she may like it if she just watched at least the first five minutes.) 

  Scanning through Netflix we decided on a movie called Fire with Fire, starring Josh Duhamel, which lets be honest is the only reason my wife watched it.  I'd give it four stars, maybe more if only I hadn't seen the storyline done many times before.   Guy sees a crime, goes into protective custody, bad guy finds him, has to fight back...

  After it was over Kim says, "It was good, but weird."

  That's really more than I expected considering all the blood and shooting, and slightly Indie feel.  Kim can't stand Indie movies for some reason.  I'm all about the slow drama, the raw truth, the amazing background music.  Kim gets bored with it in five seconds, but you know what I heard once on a Disney cartoon, "Variety is the spice of life."  (And she will watch zombie movies with me, and I can't ask for more than that.  Love you baby!)

After the movie:

 "How do you feel about going on a trip?" Kim asks with a bat of her eyes.
 "I want to go somewhere."
 "Umm, okay, but.... what are you talking about?  You are super pregnant!  I'm confused."
  "I want to get some ice cream.  Do you wanna take me to Dairy Queen?"
  "You're lactose intolerant." 
  "Only when I don't have a baby inside me!!!  This is the only time I get to eat ice cream and I want to make the best of it!!" Kim says passionately.
  "We have ice cream in the freezer," I say.
  "But I want a waffle cone." 
  "Okay, but you could have just said that five minutes ago, instead of talking about going on a trip."

In the drive through:

 "Can I help you?" the dairy queen lady sighs.
 "Yes, can I get a small Smores Blizzard?" I say.  (Try this blizzard!  Try it!!!!!)
  "Anything else?"
"Yes."  I lean over to get Kim's order.
"I want a the vanilla and chocolate twist in a waffle cone... in a dipped wafflecone... a chocolate dipped waffle cone...."
 I relay the long message to the lady.
"With Sprinkles!!!" Kim shouts.
"Chocolate or Rainbow?" the lady grunts, clearly unhappy with life.
"Rainbow!" Kim fantasizes.
"Anything else?"
I glance at my wife, who is more excited than can legally be allowed.
"That's it."
"12.50 please."
"For two ice cream cones?" I say to my wife as we pull ahead.
"It's for the baby."
"Could it have been more complicated though?" 
"If I didn't get the twist, than Bella couldn't have a taste when we get home."
"Oh brother!"

 In the end it was all worth it.  My wife gets to eat ice cream, without spending the rest of the evening in the bathroom and Bella gets to have a taste as well.  Also on a positive, I heard that sprinkles were just moved into the protein category on the food pyramid.  Can't beat that.

Comic By Bitstrips

Wednesday, July 10, 2013

The Dog Father

 Kim and I have often wondered how our precious pooch was going to react to having a baby in the house.  Our dog is generally good, but you can't help but hear all types of things from:

  "You'll have to say goodbye to your dog!"  to  "Oh, my dog just loves our daughter.  He protects her like she was his own."  (the latter quote was in a southern accent.)

 It seems to really depend on the dog, the owners, and how they go about the integration.  At least in my on looking outsider, 3rd person perspective. 

  We rescued our dog when she was a mere bobble headed puppy from the kill shelter.  She was the runt, and needed lots of attention, so she became our baby almost instantly.  (Kim will try to tell you, that at first I wanted to give her away because she was obnoxiously crying every night, but I think all of you can come to your own conclusion on the matter once you see this picture of her.)

   At the time, we lived right next to some of our good friends; Super Science guy, and his Speech Therapist wife, so they were constantly over and together this little tyke had her very own wolf pack with two parents and two very fun siblings to play with.  Bella (we may have been reading Twilight when we rescued her.) was the smartest four pound puppy you have probably ever met.  With one or two times of showing her she needed to go outside to use the bathroom, that cute little mug sat herself by the enormous front door without making a sound, and just waited patiently for someone to notice her.  As the months passed and with lots of training from my wife and I, this little mongrel was ready to compete on that early 90's show, That's My Dog.  (I'm disappointed they don't still film that show.)
Anyhow, I had her shaking and dancing, Kim had her weaving through her legs and literally jumping through hoops.  She even taught Bella the cup game, where she put a treat under a cup and mixed them all around and Bella had to knock the cup over with her paw that held the treat.  She won that game every time in the 100th percentile.

  It was our friend Super Science Guy who taught Bella to speak for the first time, (because he can't just let a super cute sleeping dog lie) and she hasn't shut up ever since.  She also has become very territorial and feels she needs to protect us from falling leaves, granny going on walks, and any other thing outside that makes a noise.  Thank you Science guy!  We love you!  
  If you've ever come over to our house and rang the doorbell you have probably heard Kujo in action.  She is a scary thing to witness and so after that long intro, you now can understand why we are unsure how she will react to a little human traipsing around.  She has never been around any type of kid before, unless you count the time we went camping and a kid wandered into our campsite to pet her.  She may have startled him and he was so scared he fell over, and she may have pulled his boot a tiny little bit.  It wasn't her proudest moment, and the mother of the boy, wasn't very excited about it either.

  But a couple months ago, (A few years later and a few years older), we had some hope for Bella when some of our friends brought their little girls over for a barbeque.   The girls are aged 1 and 3.  You can imagine how terrified I was with someone else's little girls running around the house like toddlers do and what Bella would do with all of this over stimulation to her usually calm environment.  This family however have a fantastic dog, named Buddy at that, and the girls were quite at ease around Bella.  This must have helped tremendously because  I couldn't believe how much of a trooper she was.  She followed the one year old around the house as if she were protecting her or herding sheep.  Even when the one year old patted and slapped her muzzle over and over again, Bella did nothing except take it.  The 3 year old ran like a madwoman past her, around her, and probably over her, but I can't verify that last one for sure.  We were such proud parents in that moment and as I said earlier gave us a little hope. 

  We know the integration is going to be crazy, but we've decided that we have to make it work somehow and as long as we give her the attention we always have it should be fine.  Right????

  Any advice that any parent/dog owners can give would be amazing.  You can comment here or on my Facebook page, which has the same exact title.  :) 

Comic by Bitstrips

Tuesday, July 9, 2013

Compulsive Nesting

   For as long as I can remember, I've had an obsessive personality.  Everything I do, I do in abundance.  When I get a new video game, I will play it every day for days or weeks until I've beaten it.  (Red Dead Redemption, an amazing tour through the wild west. I played so much that when my wife went to her girlfriend's house and her husband happened to be playing the game, Kim knew exactly how far into the game he was and that he indeed was riding a raft to Mexico to confront some outlaws.)  If I get a new dvd, we usually watch it about five or six times in a row or until Kim says "We aren't going to be watching Pitch Perfect again until next year now!  (I'm a sucker for musical comedies!) 

  If I'm being honest, I should probably blame my parents for this.  When I was a young grasshopper, I would wake up at the usual 6 a.m. and demand to watch The Wizard of Oz.  I guess my parents wanted a couple more hours of sleep because every morning I'd watch the dramatic and epic journey of Dorothy and her friends.  This must have lasted for months or years even, although you'd have to ask my parents because in the eyes of a child everything seems much grander.  This obsessive event lasted until my dad "accidentally" taped over my movie with a football game.  I have to tell you, I was quite damaged and never got over it until high school when my dad bought me the movie on VHS and I instantly was content.

  My obsessive personality coupled with my wife's type A personality had us working on our nursery almost days after we found out she was pregnant, which happened to be right before our honeymoon. WHAT?  Keep reading.

We had been married in November and went on what we call our Mini-Moon in Orlando, to a fantastically lavish and beautiful Hilton suite.  As teachers we couldn't take our actual honeymoon until Christmas Break at the end of December.  Kim's mom had purchased us a beautiful 11 night cruise that went to South America and all of the islands in-between.  She secretly hoped a grandchild would possibly be formed.  Who can blame her?  We've made all our parents wait a long time for one.  But days before our cruise we found out that Rory the little poppy seed was bopping around since our Mini Moon.  (This may or may not have caused Kim to have amped up morning sickness on our honeymoon cruise.)

One of our adventures at Saint Thomas in the Virgin Islands, was swimming with the sea turtles.  The three of us has so much fun, swimming with Dylan and Shelly that we instantly decided to do an ocean themed nursery, and we even found Rory's very first toy at the gift shop. 

After we got home, we picked out our paint color and purchased the paint and crib relatively quickly.  The rest has come together in baby steps, but here are some photos of the nursery where Rory will make his appearance very soon.  Enjoy. 

 Comic by Bitstrips

Monday, July 8, 2013

Taking my life into my own hands...

 I know it's not the brightest idea to poke fun at a pregnant woman, but I love my wife so much and her Pregnancy Brain makes it so easy.  Also I think she realized what she was getting into by marrying me.  I can stand on that if nothing else.  Even before she was pregnant she was known in our circle of friends for saying the most comical things and not realizing the multiple array of meanings that could be taken.  Even our pastor has raised his eyebrows at some of Kim's unintentionally amusing commentary.

 Pregnancy Brain has only amped Kim's commentary, which in most cases makes Kim say even more hilarious and zany things and not be able to remember them like five seconds later.  However, movie quotes, important dates, things I've said or asked are also out the window.  On top of that, considering I was born with Permanent Pregnancy Brain, I don't remember any of those things either, which has gotten us into quite a few predicaments, but that can be a story for another time.

Today's tale demonstrates Pregnancy Brain at its very worst.  It begins when a sleepy and yet fantastic husband is pulled from the depths of sleep to hear a beautiful and yet somewhat disgruntled,

"I still can't believe you roasted my watermelon and turned it into meat."
"You turned my watermelon into meat."
"How is that even possible?" I say.
"Oh yeah, that was part of my dream."
"Yeah that makes sense."

  I can definitely understand how a pregnant vegetarian would be upset about her watermelon being turned into meat, but I'm at a loss.  This isn't the first time Kim has woken up from a dream seething about something ludacris like the time I took all of the Okra and gave it to her brother who took it to space in a shuttle.  (I don't really remember the actual dream but I'm sure it was as ridiculous.)  The point is, that PB makes women a wee bit crazy.  How can stealing okra or turning watermelon into meat seem real to that wonderfully logical and highly intelligent woman?

My guess is that our son is craving meat and he isn't getting all the protein he needs.  I mean why else is her produce turning into meat?  That or perhaps its just wishful thinking and I am really craving a McDonalds juicy bacon cheeseburger of my own.  That's probably more likely.

Comic by Bitstrips

Sunday, July 7, 2013

5 Weeks to Go!

  With only a few weeks before I officially become a father and our son, Rory makes his grand and probably very painful entrance into the world,  (I'll ask Kim later). My wife and I are left with a lot of time to wait and hope and enjoy the calm before the storm.  I'm sure a very cute storm, but you know what I'm saying.  As elementary teachers we don't have much time to sit down and be still but thanks to the joyous invention of summer vacation, we are actually able to refill our tanks and by some miracle become fully energized and ready for the new school year.

  This year, by God's divine intervention, our son is due on the very first day we have to be back at school.  Ironic or humorous, I can't decide yet.  Either way, we are more than excited to meet the little UFC fighter.  Even our doctor, Dr. Grey (No I can't make this stuff up) said he was going to go pro last week. After five minutes of searching for his heartbeat, he walloped her fetal heart monitor and then finally let her do her job.  That's my little champ! 

  Although, I do wonder if the statement about fetal activity in relation to post-partum activity (look at these words I've learned!)  correlates at all.  If so... we may have a hurricane baby.  I should probably install storm shutters on his crib.  (That was a joke, you are supposed to laugh there.)

  I guess time will tell, and we just wait for now.  Enjoy the calm...

  Yes, what was that?  Why am I writing a blog about this you ask? 

   A.  I like to write.
   B.  It's such a surreal time and it will be fun to reread this after 8 more kids.
   C.  Seasoned parents can comment and or laugh at my struggles, triumphs, etc...
   D. Why not?

Comic by Bitstrips