Thursday, August 29, 2013

His Belly Button is Leaking!!!!

  So I never claimed to be a genius in all things baby oriented.  In fact, I am pretty sure I know very little compared to most baby daddy's.  I do know however, that babies can not have a completely dry onesie, one second and then have a soaked back the next second without a pretty good explanation.  Welcome to my night.

  "His onesie is soaked again!" Grammy D says.  "I can't believe how much he sweats."
  "He is my little sweaty man!" Kim pops off. 
  "It's pretty weird," I say.
  "I know.  All he was doing was laying against me.  I only have this little blanket."

  Now this would be all fine and good.  But this isn't the first time this has happened.  The past few weeks he has constantly having to be changed from one onesie to the next, because of his little sweating issue.  Tonight, however was not the typical sweaty man episode.

  Grammy D gets up to change his onesie and his diaper while she's at it.    While she does Kim and I continue to watch Shark Week (which is now featured on Netflix.  SCORE!) 
   "I will never be able to swim in the ocean again," Kim says overdramatically.
  "You say this every time someone mentions a shark.  But the statisitcs state you've swam with hundreds of sharks in your lifetime without knowing it.  They are constantly around, but they don't want to hurt you."
  "Tell that to all those people on this program." 
  "Well, you aren't thinking about the odds and most of those people didn't die.  They just got nibbled on," I say.
  "WHO WANTS TO BE NIBBLED ON?" Kim screams.
  "Okay, Rory is back!"
  I reach out my hands and hold tight to the little guy while he stares around the world in wonderment.  I kiss his fragrant head which reeks of that amazing baby smell.
  "Hi baby!" I say to him as his deep blue eyes look directly into mine.  "I love you!  Do you want to go swim with sharks with your daddy?"
  "Oh stop!" Kim huffs.
  My arm is suddenly wet and so is the back of his onesie. 
  "Holy cow!  He is wet again!"
  "Did he pee?" Kim asks.
  I sniff my arm but it doesn't smell like anything but a faint hint of lotion.   
  "I don't think it's pee."

  Grammy D scoops him up before I can even respond and takes him back to the nursery, where she narrates the whole rundown from there.  We hear that his diaper is dry, but his onesie is soaked again.  A few minutes later Rory rejoins me on the couch with yet another new onesie. 
  "Wow!  You are quite the drama king!" I tell him.
  "I just don't get!" Grammy D says.
  "Me either!" I reply just as a great white shark attacks another surfer.
  "Oh my gosh!  I'll never swim again!"
  "It's not the shark's fault.  Just wait and see.  I'm sure there is a reason these sharks are on a frenzy."
  Kim huffs again and Rory starts to grunt and groan.  I pat his little belly to comfort him and feel that the area near his belly button is very wet.
  "WHAT THE HECK?" I exclaim.  "This is like the twilight zone.  Do you think his belly button is leaking?"
  Kim laughs.  "What?  That's not even possible."
  "Well his plug came out, can it ooze or leak or something?"
  "Uh no, but you can check I guess."
  The whole room erupts in laughter like I'm the town idiot.
  "Unbutton his onesie."
  "Well I know that, but.... grrr... nevermind." 
  As I unbutton his onesie, I notice his diaper is still dry.  I check his belly button and it appears normal on first inspection.  As I push the diaper down a little bit to get a better view of his belly, the lip of the diaper opens up a little and I notice his little penis is pointing straight up so he can shoot any way he wants to without even hitting the diaper. 
  "Okay," I say.  "He doesn't seem to quite fit into his newborn diapers anymore.  Time to move onto size one."
   "Aww, my baby is growing too fast," Kim says and I swear there are tears glistening in her eyes.
  "That's my big boy!" I laugh, "Now can someone please take him so I can wash off my arm."

Comic by Bitstrips


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