Tuesday, August 20, 2013

Breast Pump Monster

   So I am sure many a mother has used the breast pump in their pregnant days.  I have to tell you it's quite an interesting device.  I mean, first of all there is the sound.  It almost sounds like it's digesting something.  If I didn't know better I'd fear for my wife's ta ta's.  Then there's the whole issue with looking directly into it's eyes.  You shouldn't do that!  I mean it's no Medusa, it won't turn you into stone or anything.  It will however make you shiver in terror.  If you look directly into it's pumping eyes.  (If you are a new father and you haven't yet, just skip it.  If you do however have to take a peek, you won't be able to take your eyes away until they've seen too much.)  However, if you're like that poor woman who was turned into a pillar of salt in the Old Testament, you will see what I mean soon enough.

  On a pretty similar note, our school year started yesterday here in Florida.  I'm teaching First Grade this year and just two days in, it's totally a new world.  They move slower, they can't read, they cling to their mothers when they get dropped off, but, some of them however have amazing stories they want to tell at recess that just blow your mind.
  One of my little ones has a new sister that was born a week before Rory and so she was very excited to talk about her. 

  "So how is Rory doing?" she asks, her cute little dimples popping on her face.
  "He's good.  Let me show you a picture," I say pulling my phone out.
  At the sound of the word picture, about a half dozen other first graders show up out of nowhere to see the baby picture.
   "Aww, he's cute," she says.
  "How is your little sister doing?" I ask.
  "She's good.  It's like she has three moms, because my older sister and I always want to hold her."
  "Well that's good.  She is very well loved.
  "Yeah, breast feeding isn't so bad."
  I almost have a saved by the bell moment, you know where they are all sitting at the MAX and someone says something every episode that makes someone else spew coke out of their mouth.  Only I wasn't drinking any coke at the moment. 
  "What?" another girl says with disgust on her face.
  "It's really not so bad, it's just a boob and a baby sucking."
  "WELL OKAY, that is a conversation that you can have at home, alright?  School is not really the time for talking about that."
  "Okay, but it's really not gross or anything." 
  "That's a topic for home," I reiterate.

  Having taught 2nd and 3rd Grade previously, I knew kids would say just about anything, but 1st grade is just so different than anything I've ever waded through, and as Bill Cosby would say, "They Really Do Say the Darn-dest Things."

  On another similar note:  Rory probably had the best night sleep of his life last night.  So thanks for all the people praying and giving advice.  Why reinvent the wheel when someone else may have had a similar situation? 
I don't mind the breast pump!!!
Comic by Bitstrips



  1. That's adorable! When our oldest was 3 and I was pregnant with the youngest she once told a cashier who asked if the stork was bringing her a new baby that, "Mama is going to go to the midwife and say, 'HOOAH!' and push my baby sister out her vulva." They really do have no filter but at least they've got their facts right! *lol*

  2. LOL! Yes... it is true. This little girl is super smart and knows a lot of stuff about well stuff! I hear your oldest is quite the vocabulary queen. :) That's very awesome!