Saturday, August 31, 2013

Baby's First Bath!!!

Note from my wife:  She would like everyone to know that she is my wife and she carried my son for nine months and thinks this blog entry should not exist. 

Today was a big day of firsts for Rory.  Rory got his first bath today, got his nails clipped for the first time, he went on his first outing, and met a lot of people for the first time, including his other Grammy Mary from Wisconsin.  (My mom.  And technically he won't meet her for another 6 hours.)

  Let's take it back to this morning where Grammy D and I are gathered around the little baby bath.  I pull the floating octopus thermometer, which glows when the water temperature is ideal for sensitive baby skin, out of the water.  (I pretty much love that product.)

  "Kim!  The water is ready!" I shout.
  "Coming!" she yells back from the nursery.

  Second later, she walks out of the nursery with a very naked baby.  "Oh he's going to hate this!  All I did last time was set him in the baby bath to give him a sponge bath and he wailed."

  "Nah!  He will probably be a little aqua man," I say. 
  "I thought you were all about Superman," Kim says.
  I roll my eyes because she should know that Aqua Man, albeit not as awesome as superman, is still amazing.
  "You filled it kind of full," Kim complains.
  "Okay," I reply, "Now put him in."

  Kim puts the baby in the water and he doesn't cry miraculously.  I think he even coos. 
  "Now don't forget to get an extra washcloth for his little thing so he doesn't pee all over you.  With girls it doesn't matter but with boys it will shoot at you," Grammy D tells the air around us.  I think Kim and I are too focused on watching the baby splash his hands in the water.  I grab the camera and start snapping pictures like I'm a photographer on America's Next Top Baby. 

Meanwhile, Kim is as gentle as a baby fawn stepping gently towards a stream.  She is so careful with washing Rory's face, and scrubbing his body.  She supports his head just so as she lathers it with shampoo.  I have never been more proud of this amazing mother and wife. 

  That moment is shattered five seconds later when she squeezes a washcloth over the top of Rory's head and all of his shampoo cascades down his face, into his eyes and now crying mouth.  Grammy D gasps in utter shock. 

  "What are you doing?" I exclaim.  "You're supposed to tilt the baby's head backwards when you rinse his hair.  Even I know that much!"
  "Mmm-hmm," Grammy D chimes in.

  My wife is just nervous laughing, because that's what she does every time things get a little bit too serious. 
  Rory of course is still crying. 
  I finish rinsing Rory off because I just don't want him to have to ingest any more shampoo today.  Kim is still giggling over my shoulder.

  "That was so mean, wasn't it?" Grammy D coos into Rory's ear.  "That was a mean mommy."

This is the part of the blog where you get to choose your own adventure. 

*  If you think Josh needs a haircut even though his wife thinks he can wait until Wednesday, please go down and read the green writing.
*  If you would like to go on a nice family walk to the Labor Day Festival read the blue writing.
*  If you want to see baby Rory throw up multiple times today and watch Josh blame it in on Kim because she tried to drown the baby with shampoo flavored water, just know that it happened about 4 times.

  An hour later we are off to the salon to get Daddy a haircut.  Our hairdresser Tammy has been so excited to meet Rory for the longest time and the timing couldn't have been better.  Tammy is about the most fantastic lady and conversationalist you will meet.  She did Kim's hair for our wedding and we've loved her ever since.  Now, she's our go to girl.   On top of all that she can actually make me look good so I mean you can tell she's talented. 

  Rory decided he was starving once we arrived so Kim had to feed him after he met Tammy, (who literally lunged out of her chair when she saw us coming in.   She was so surprised that we had actually brought him in. )  I swear that boy is going to eat us out of house and home soon.  He's  only almost three weeks old and he's already having growth spurts.  Also Tammy's eyes glinted at the length of Rory's fair hair and I could see the hunger in her eyes to trim it up a little bit.  Kim wants to give in and let her trim our werewolf pup's hair, but I am putting my foot down and we aren't giving him a haircut quite yet.  Aren't you supposed to wait for like a year or something?  At any rate if he's anything like his werewolf father, it will at least be for another week or so before we have to trim.

  Afterwards, we head to the center of town to walk through the park which was decorated with vendors and fair food to celebrate the Labor Day Festival.  It's been so long since Kim and I have been to that sort of thing, so we went a little bit crazy with fair food.  We got some homemade ice cream, fresh squeezed lemonade, and a bunch of dips with pretzels.  (We will be back on Monday to get the fries and funnel cake.)
  We probably ran into ten people who got to meet Rory today and they all loved his red hair and converse shoes.  He didn't say much because he mostly slept through the whole event, but it sure was a lot of fun and totally weird at the same time.  I don't know if I've ever really pictured myself as an actual dad.  I mean don't get me wrong, I thought someday I'd be a dad, but actually walking the walk and not just thinking the thought, are two different things.  Walking through the park with a baby stroller was idyllic and very strange.  But also kind of perfect. 
"I am staring at a beautiful baby model in front of me right now and with this picture you really captured your mischievous and maybe somewhat pooping face.  Congratulations you are still in the running to be America's Next Top Baby!"

(I apologize.  I know it's cheesy but it's on Hulu Plus and I decided to watch this season.)

Comic By Bitstrips

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