Well, I guess we technically weren't off to see the actual wizard. But we were off to taste the beautiful barbequed creations in the Cowboys Restaurant. Kim, who is strictly vegetarian and would never dream of eating bacon bits in her green beans, or chicken stock in her French onion soup DETESTS Cowboys, but with Grammy Kay, her dad and stepmom, who will for the rest of this blog be referred to as Grandpop-o and Halmoni (the Korean name for grandma) who happen to be healthy carnivores overruled the singular vegetarian. Oh, me? Was I ecstatic? Was I thrilled? I will say I was pleased with the Grandparents' choices. I quietly wished for Cowboys because who doesn't love their award winning pulled pork smashed into a baked potato with all the fixin's and topped with sweet Memphis barbeque sauce? Some would say it's to die for! But you know me. I am always pleased with my wife's vegetarian options. I mean, God created us with a few flat teeth after all. Might as well use those to grind up some broccoli. I digress, I am losing momentum and we must get on with the story.
Note from the wife: I do go to all kinds of non vegetarian places and have to creatively order things all to please my husband. I also cook all kinds of meat for him.
We walked up the yellow brick road towards the famous Barbeque City and once inside, we were in a state of euphoria. (All except Grammy Kay because she forgot to wear her glasses, and poor Rory who was sadly constipated.) There were rows and rows of barbeque sauces on shelves, cowboy hats with lights inside, and the smells of pulled pork and baby back ribs slow roasting in the back. We'd all come for the same reason. To fill ourselves until we were filled to the top. (Except for Kim, who would probably only order a baked potato and eat a salad.)
The waitress led us through the restaurant and sat us at the table in front of the giant alligator. That thing was amazing! I don't think it was real though, which is kind of disappointing because it is faulty advertising.
"Can I get your drink order?" the waitress asks.
Halmoni sat squinting at the waitress.
Grandpop-o smiled pleasantly.
Grammy Kay nodded, then asked, "I can't see the menu, what drinks do you have?"
"We have..." the waitress went off on a long spiel about all the different drinks choices.
Halmoni sat squinting at the waitress. She whispered to Grandpop-o "I don't understand."
Grandpop-o smiled pleasantly. "Oh, was she talking? I'm sorry miss. You'll have to stand on the other side of me. I can't hear anything out of my right ear."
Rory grunted, followed by a raunchy rip.
Grammy Kay nodded, "I can't see the menu. It's so dark in here. I guess I'll have a raspberry tea."
The waitress couldn't help but smile. "So you can't hear me, you can't see anything, and you can't understand me."
Grammy Kay pointed at Kim and I, "It's their fault. They waited too long to have kids."
"But at least we did have a fantastic one. And I think he pooped finally."
"Oh good!" Grammy Kay clapped.
"Oh no! Don't talk about that stuff! I can't handle it!" Grandpop-o says,
"Well if he didn't I'm going to stick a Q-tip up there and stimulate," Kim says.
"Gross! No you aren't!" I say.
"It's supposed to help!"
"No one likes that! You want me to do that to you? It's disgusting!"
"But everyone on youtube says that...."
Before a war breaks out, Halmoni says. "You know when my son was baby he only poop once every couple of days. I was so scared! The doctor tell me that it's just his routine and it's fine. And now, he is 30 and he goes poop once a day!"
The table bursts into laughter. Even Kim cracks a smile.
Comic By Bitstrips and MGM
In case you wondered, the wizard never gave Grammy Kay 20/20 eyesight. Grandpop-o still can't hear out of his right ear, Halmoni didn't ever figure out what the waitress in her southern drawl was saying, but Rory did finally get his poop without the Q-tip, thank you very much! It was a win in the end.