Kim, Grammy Kay, her 8 bags of luggage, Ror, his 3 bags of luggage, his car seat and I headed to the airport early on Friday morning (the weekend before Thanksgiving.)
Concerning the road:
"Did I close the garage door?" I ask peeking over Grammy Kay's bag number 4, an hour after pulling out of the driveway.
"Seriously?" Kim asks.
"Yeah," I say.
"Do you recall me doing the Macarena and singing ,"You closed the garage door, you closed the garage door. I'm singing this so loudly so we can both remember that you did close the door and you don't have anxiety attacks all week."
"Oh yeah," I say. "Now I remember. Wait, did you take the garbage out? It was sitting by the can."
"I thought you did it. I never take the garbage out."
"Oh. Did you Grammy Kay?"
She pretends she can't hear anything I'm saying behind bag number 7.
"Crap!" I shout. "I forgot I left my bagel in my bag from the other day. And did anyone throw the pecan pie out? We are going to have a house full of bugs!!"
Concerning arriving at the airport:
"Oh my gosh. What did you put in this bag?"
"It's just my curling iron, hair straightener, all those goody bags I bought at the one yard sale, my frog leg sizzler, and..."
"I didn't really need a play by play, I just was trying to figure out how you ended up accumulating so much stuff in the 2 months you were here for."
"Oh, I see," Grammy Kay says lugging 1 suitcase in each hand, and two suitcases tied around her waist with a bungee cord. "I guess I'm just good at collecting things."
"So are hoarders," I say.
"Hello, welcome to Southwest," the skycap man says. "Can I take your bags?"
I laugh out loud, "You're going to wish you didn't have to."
After checking in all 11 plus bags, the man asked for our IDs and when we didn't have one for Rory he was beyond flustered. "Well, you need to have an ID, a birth certificate, some sort of info."
"Well, we don't," Kim says red-headedly. "We haven't received it yet, and everyone I asked told me I didn't need anything. Sorry."
"Well come with me," the man says, escorting Kim and Rory to his supervisor, who in less than ten seconds says "Oh yes. The baby is so young. It's fine."
"Well that was quite the hiccup," Grammy Kay says.
"Don't even say that word. I get hiccups by osmosis." my wife hiccups in reply.
Concerning using a mat in the airport:
"I'm so glad we brought this mat with us. Rory loves to lay on it and stretch out. Ashley (a woman we work with who was pregnant with Kim) was so smart to suggest it. I just love getting advice from mothers. I know some people don't like getting advice but I just do."
"That's nice," I say.
"Oh yeah! I am positive this mat is going to be a lifesaver. Just look at him laying there cooing. I just love his little giggle, don't you?"
"I also just can't believe how perfect it is that our flight is exactly at Rory's feeding time. Everyone says you should feed your baby as you are ascending because it helps with the ear popping. I would just hate for him to get an ear infection. We will be up a creek if he gets one."
"Huh?" Grammy Kay asks, "Did you say something? You know I just can't hear those low tones."
"Oh look, they're boarding now," I say.
I follow behind Kim who is holding Rory as we board the plane. I notice a strange lady already seated smiling freakishly at our tiny tot. Out of nowhere, her elf-like hand reaches out and pats Rory on the rump.
Kim doesn't even know what to say as she pulls Rory from the handsy woman's grasp. At the time I thought she had just grabbed his foot or else I would have given her a pat on the butt back and asked if she liked strange people touching her butt.
Now past the crazy elf, Kim rules the roost as she finds her way to three seats relatively close to the front of the plane.
"These look just perfect," Kim says.
"Sure do," I say.
"Please find your seats," a steward says as he zips on by.
"Hmmph," Grammy Kay reacts.
"What?" I ask.
"HE WASN'T VERY NICE."
"What do you mean, and why are you shouting?"
"Do you want any drinks?" he asks monotone as he basically appears out of nowhere.
"No. What? I don't think so. Huh?" Grammy Kay says making it difficult.
"I would like a sprite," Kim says.
"Cranberry," I say.
"Oh! Those drinks. I thought you meant a drink, drink. Yeah, I'll have a coke," Grammy Kay says.
Maxamillion, the attendant rolls his eyes.
"DID YOU SEE THAT? HE IS SO RUDE. HE REALLY NEEDS TO RETIRE! HE'S BEEN WORKING TOO LONG!"
"Mom, please stop shouting," I whisper. "He's going to hear you."
"I DON'T CARE! "I DON'T HAVE TO PUT UP WITH THIS S%@!$""
"Stop shouting! The kids are going to hear you."
"I AM NOT YELLING!" Grammy Kay shrieks.
"Yes you are."
"Oh it's probably the pressure of the plane. All of this air gets in my head and I can't hear how loud I am."
"Air in your head? You have to be kidding."
Maxamillion walks by.
"RETIRE ALREADY!" Grammy taunts the man.
"Stop! I have a Grammy and a baby on this flight and who do I have to pay more attention too?" I say as Kim conveniently reads her I-pad
"I DON'T CARE WHAT HE THINKS."
"Well, I do. He's probably going to pee in our drinks," I say.
"PEE?" Grammy asks perplexed.
"Yeah, I think it's illegal for you to spit in drinks now."
"He's doing so well," Kim says looking down at Rory, suckling away on his bottle.
"I know. He's so serene. I love it! Where's my camera?" I ask.
I dig in my bag for my phone and snap a variety of poses as Rory sleeps.
"I'm trying to get the wing in the picture. Oh, it's too dark because I'm taking a pic towards the window."
"Hang on! I have to burp him," Kim says.
As her hands moves in slow motion towards Rory's little back, a ton of liquid projectiles out of his mouth.
"I jump up horrified, Kim throws her hand out, trying to catch it, Grammy Kay dives into the aisle, somehow tossing wet wipes up at us in the process.
The baby continues to spew all over Kim's shirt and pants.
Kim screams in agony as she finds herself soaked in Rory's entire regurgitated bottle.
"Aww man," I say wiping my seat with the wet wipes. "He got some on my pants."
"You have a quarter sized wet spot on your pants, look at me! I am covered, now get me some wet wipes!!!!"
Concerning leaving the Milwaukee terminal:
"Yeah, I have to change my clothes as soon as we get our bags, "Kim says walking through the airport, "There is formula in places that I can't even tell you about!"
"Hmm. Aren't you glad you followed that little piece of advice you heard from everyone?"
What?!?!?!? Are you serious?
When we left it was 81 degrees!!!!
Comic by Bitstrips